


awkward hearts, beating faster and faster

by bothsexuals



Series: cul-de-sac crew 2.0 [2]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Getting Together, M/M, Slow Burn, as much of a slow burn as i can write at least, found family trobedannie teas!, it's about the yearning, set in s3, so not a lot cause i get frustrated, warning: deals with homophobia (internalized and not)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:30:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25170151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bothsexuals/pseuds/bothsexuals
Summary: Troy and Abed come to terms with their feelings for each other, with a little help from Annie and Neil.
Relationships: Abed Nadir & Neil (Community), Annie Edison & Abed Nadir, Annie Edison & Neil (Community), Troy Barnes & Annie Edison, Troy Barnes & Annie Edison & Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes & Neil (Community), Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Series: cul-de-sac crew 2.0 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1823377
Comments: 189
Kudos: 247





	1. i'll keep sitting here waiting for you, though i won't do much about it

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god, oh fuck I am estabilishing another full-fledged universe for these bitches. Seriously, this is getting messier than the mcu. Just pray I get a job soon and spend a little more time baking and a little less time sacrificing my soul to these dumbasses. But for reals, please enjoy!
> 
> Work title is from "Eat, Sleep, Wake (Nothing But You)" by Bombay Bicycle Club, and chapter title is from mxmtoon's "suffice".

“Finally,” Annie sighed when the door opened to reveal Abed carrying their pizza, “what took so long?” 

“The pizza delivery person gave me their number,” Abed said, setting down the pizza on the table, and showing Annie a piece of paper on which the number had been scrawled, “they called me cute.” 

“Aww, Abed!” Annie swooned, amiably slapping his shoulder, “good for you.” 

“That’s like the third time this happens,” Troy pointed out, sounding… annoyed? No, it couldn’t be. 

“I can’t help it if I’m adorable,” Abed replied, fluttering his eyelashes ridiculously. 

Annie agreed with a laugh, but Troy gave no response, instead grabbing a few slices of pizza and heading to his chair. 

“Should we watch _Cougar Town_?” Abed asked, picking up on the tension- despite not understanding the reason for it- and deeming it best to change the subject.

Annie shook her head. “We’re already on season five, I don’t wanna finish it! Let’s watch a movie!” 

“Fine,” Abed sighed, “but you always choose the worst movies.” 

“Hey!” she exclaimed, affronted, “ _The Emperor’s New Groove_ is a _great_ movie! Tell him, Troy!”

Troy’s smile finally returned as he looked back at them. “It _is_ a masterpiece. Come on, Abed.” 

“Fine,” he sighed again, “but it’s only because of Troy.”

“What isn’t?” Annie teased, but the implication escaped Abed, who confusedly furrowed his eyebrows. 

“I mean because it’s two against one. You’re the majority,” he clarified. 

“Sure,” she said unconvincingly, a teasing note still in her voice. 

Abed looked at her for a moment, trying to understand the meaning behind her words, but gave up, realizing that the pizza would get cold while he waited to decipher his friend. 

Troy put on the movie as he and Annie filled their plates, then went to sit in Abed’s chair. Annie had a hard time balancing the plate on her legs while sitting on the armrest, so Abed made room for her and they squeezed themselves in the same chair. 

“You could get another chair,” Troy pointed out, “that doesn’t look comfortable.”

Annie shushed him. “Start the movie and don’t mess with my Abed cuddles, Barnes,” she admonished him, and he raised his arms in surrender. 

He obeyed, and smiled as he overheard Annie whisper to Abed that she would move if he wanted her to and he reassured her he would tell her if he got uncomfortable. It was nice to see his friends getting closer, physically as well as emotionally, and he was happy Abed was getting comfortable with other people. That didn’t stop his heart from clenching as he saw them, though, wishing it was his side pressed against Abed’s, his shoulders that Abed’s arm was wrapped around. 

Okay, maybe he had been wrong in thinking he could keep his feelings for his best friend under wraps. This was proving way harder than he had thought. Ever since he had come to terms with the fact that the fluttery feeling he felt whenever he was close to Abed, looked at Abed, or even thought about Abed, was love- romantic love- it had become harder to be around him. 

It wasn’t like anything had changed, or at least he didn’t think so. But now that he knew, he felt as if he was betraying himself with everything he did, exposing his feelings to everyone with the way he looked at his friend, touched him, said his name. So he tried to do it less, tried to hold himself back, but it wasn’t easy. He knew Abed had noticed, he was probably the most observant person Troy knew, and he knew he was hurt by it. He was stuck at a crossroads, not wanting to hurt his friend, but scared to be found out. 

He was shaken by his thoughts when he heard a giggle coming from Annie, and turned to look at his roommates. Abed was reciting the lines along with Kuzco, enjoying the movie despite his initial opposition, and Annie was enjoying the show, her legs now resting on top of Abed’s. Something tugged at his heart again, and he wished it was more chill for two men to display that sort of affection without people being weird about it. Now, granted, he _was_ in love with Abed, so Pierce was kind of making a point all those times he saw them holding hands and yelled ‘Gay!’, but still. 

“Troy? Are you okay? Why aren’t you eating?”

He looked down at his plate, where his now probably cold pizza lay, then at Abed and Annie’s discarded ones on the floor. 

“I uh-” he stammered, “I was distracted by the movie.” 

Abed hummed. “Understandable,” he dead-panned, “it is after all a pillar of cinematic history.” 

“Hey, you’re the one who knows it by heart!” Troy quipped back, and Annie backed him up with a pleased _a-ha_! 

“Everyone likes this movie,” Abed admitted, “it’s fun, it’s got cool character designs, and a perfect amount of meta jokes.” 

“It’s you in movie form,” Annie nodded knowingly. 

“Sure,” Abed conceded, “why not.” 

Troy’s heart felt lighter as he laughed with his friends, and he ate his pizza as they finished the movie. As the credits rolled, Annie yawned. 

“I’m exhausted.” She pressed a kiss to Abed’s cheek before standing up, then bent down to kiss Troy goodnight as well and headed to her room, bringing their dirty dishes to the kitchen first. 

“You wanna sleep?” Troy asked. 

Abed shook his head. “I’m not tired yet.” 

“Wanna stay up all night talking in our bunk beds?” Troy asked, a glint in his eye. 

“Yes!” Abed enthusiastically agreed and reached over to do their handshake. 

They stood up and got ready for bed, then they both sat on the bottom bunk in the darkness. 

“What do you wanna talk about?” Abed asked, looking at Troy expectantly. 

Troy thought for a moment, then decided on a question that made his eyes sting a little. 

“Are you gonna call the pizza delivery person?” he asked. 

“I don’t know,” Abed shrugged, “they were nice, but… not really my type.” 

Troy’s brows furrowed. “What _is_ your type? Why do I not know this?” 

“You know my type,” Abed cryptically replied, “did you know there’s an _Inspector Spacetime_ three hours special next week?” 

“Three hours?” Troy repeated, successfully distracted by the sudden subject change, “that seems excessive.” 

  


***

  


Troy woke up the next morning with a weird feeling in his chest. Wait, actually _on_ his chest. What the hell? 

He opened his eyes. Next to him, Abed was sleeping peacefully, his mouth tilted in a dopey smile; his arm was draped over Troy’s chest, their legs were tangled together. They must have fallen asleep at some point in their late night talk, and Abed must have clung to him like a jellyfish at some point in his sleep. 

He needed to move. He needed to get out of Abed’s grasp before he did something crazy and ruined their friendship together. But he couldn’t wake Abed up, he looked so peaceful. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to focus on anything else but Abed’s arm around him, Abed’s soft, steady breaths, Abed’s leg nestled between his own. 

Okay, fuck, this wasn’t working. They should probably wake up anyways, right?

“Abed,” he whispered, “hey, Abed.” 

“No,” Abed mumbled, still most of the way asleep, and shifted closer, nuzzling his face into Troy’s neck, “no Abed.” 

God, he was so fucking cute. And now Troy could feel his breath on his neck, and holy shit were those his lips brushing his skin? Fuck. 

“Abed, b-” He stopped, widening his eyes.

 _Was he about to call him baby?_

“Buddy,” he corrected himself, and wished his voice was a little less shaky, “buddy, wake up.” 

“I wanna stay,” Abed mumbled. 

“Guys, wake up!” Annie called from outside their pillow fort, and Troy had never been quite so thankful for this loud habit of hers.

Abed’s eyes finally opened, but he didn’t move just yet. 

“Oh,” he breathed, probably noticing the position they were in, “sorry.” He disentangled himself from Troy, who immediately missed the feeling of his body against him, despite having wished so hard for it to stop. “I get clingy when I sleep,” he explained. 

“That’s okay,” Troy said, his voice coming out a little strained, and quickly got out of bed. “Breakfast,” he mumbled, and hurriedly left the fort, still feeling the ghost of Abed’s lips on his neck. 

He wouldn’t be able to keep this a secret much longer, would he?

  


***

  


He kept his distance from Abed the rest of the day. Granted, he still did their handshake anytime Abed raised his hands for it, but he hadn’t initiated one all day, and he hadn’t reached out to hold Abed’s hand after class, and he’d sat next to Britta at lunch, rather than Abed. 

It was driving him a little mad, and he missed his best friend an insane amount despite almost always being in the same room as him, but it was the right thing to do. He couldn’t risk blurting out his feelings for Abed, weirding him out and ruining everything. 

Things seemed to be going fine, until Annie cornered him in the hallway, dragging him into an empty classroom. 

“Why are you avoiding Abed?” she accusingly asked. 

“I’m not.” She quirked an eyebrow. “Okay, I am, but I can’t tell you why.” 

“You gotta get over whatever it is, Troy, or talk to him,” she bit back, “it’s making him sad.”

“Fuck,” he muttered, “I didn’t think he’d notice.” 

“You’re all he pays attention to,” Annie replied, somehow both stern and soft, “of course he noticed.” 

“I just-” he sighed “-I can’t tell him. I can’t do it.” 

“Tell him what?” Annie asked. 

“I can’t tell you!” he exclaimed, his voice strained and desperate. 

“Well, can you tell anyone?” she asked. 

“Probably not. Ever.” He groaned. “Oh god.” 

“Troy, I’m getting worried.” She touched his shoulder sweetly. “Seriously, what is it? I won’t tell him.” Troy still looked conflicted, so she raised her pinky finger towards him and solemnly declared, “Pinky promise.”

“Okay,” he sighed, wrapping his pinky around hers to seal the deal. He gestured towards two chairs, and they sat down. “It’s a two-parter,” he explained. Annie nodded patiently. “Fuck, this is hard. I haven’t done this before,” he mumbled, fidgeting with his fingers. 

“Take your time,” Annie whispered, extending a hand for him to take, if he wanted to. He did. 

“I’m gay,” he whispered, and took a deep breath. “I’m gay,” he repeated, a little more surely, “I like dudes.” 

He looked up, and found a sweet smile on Annie’s face. He tried to read the meaning behind it, tried to see whether there was any hidden disappointment or displeasure, but found none, only love and acceptance. 

“I’m proud of you,” she said softly, so softly it melted Troy’s insides. “Do you want to tell me the second part?”

He nodded, “I just need a moment.” 

She nodded, and squeezed his hand a little tighter. “All the time you need,” she whispered. 

“Okay,” he breathed after a few moments, “I’m in- I think, I’m not sure, because I never felt it before, but I really think I’m in love with Abed.” 

Annie’s eyes widened. “Really?” she asked, sounding weirdly hopeful. 

“Really,” he confirmed, “I don’t wanna push him away. I just- I just can’t handle being so close to him but like, never enough. It’s-” he groaned “-it sucks big time.” 

“I understand,” Annie whispered sympathetically, “but how are you so sure he doesn’t feel the same?” 

“I’m- I don’t know, Annie, okay?” he whined, “I just came out and admitted my feelings for the first time, I’m really tired now,” 

“Of course honey,” she crooned, opening her arms, “hug?” 

“Please,” he choked out, and flung himself at her, starting to sob as soon as he was in her arms. 

It wasn’t a sad cry, though, she’d had as good a reaction as he could have hoped for. It felt freeing, having someone know the true him. It was really emotionally exhausting to bare his soul like that, but it felt good to be known by someone he loved so much.

“Hey,” she whispered, gently rubbing his back, “do you wanna skip class to go get ice-cream?”

He pulled back, surprised. “Seriously? You’ll skip class for me?” 

“Yup,” she replied, “I must really love you, Troy Barnes.” 

He smiled, and hugged her again. “I really love you, too, Annie Edison.” 

“Troy,” she said when they pulled apart again, “I gotta tell you something too.” He nodded and she took a deep breath before blurting out, “I don’t think I’m straight either. I haven’t told anyone and… I’m not sure what I am just yet, but I’m not straight.” 

He hugged her once more, trying to convey in his embrace just how proud of her he was, and how happy to have her in his life.

“I love you,” he whispered, “I feel a lot less alone.” 

“Me too,” she mumbled, “I’m glad we told each other.” 

“Me too,” Troy replied, squeezing her tighter. “I’m gonna hug you for like, five more minutes, and then we can go, okay?” 

“Sounds perfect,” Annie breathed, relaxing into the embrace, and Troy hoped she felt the same freedom and comfort she had graced him with.


	2. you fill my lungs with sweetness, and you fill my head with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to say, have chapter two. It's yearn town. Enjoy. 
> 
> Warning: this chapter deals with internalized homophobia, so tread carefully. 
> 
> Title from "Bloom" by The Paper Kites.

Troy and Annie had been spending a lot of time together lately. Normally, Abed would be happy about this- he loved both of them more than anything else in the universe, and he wanted nothing more than for his best friends to love each other as much as he loved them. But the way things had been lately felt dangerously close to being excluded, and Abed didn’t enjoy that feeling at all. He was a little too familiar with it, and it especially hurt when coming from the two people he would never have expected it from. 

He tried to rationalize things. Abed spent a lot of time with both of them one-on-one, but he rarely turned the other one down when they asked to join an activity originally planned for a duo. 

Today, though, he’d barely seen either of them, and whenever he had, they’d been attached at the hip. They had always spared him a sweet smile whenever he’d run into them, but still- he’d had to _run into them_. He hadn't been with them to begin with. 

He was probably overthinking this. Or maybe not, maybe he was thinking this exactly the right amount. It was hard to be rational about being abandoned by people he loved the way he could be rational about most things. He guessed that’s what happened when almost everyone you’ve ever loved has left you in some way or another. 

It was almost dinnertime and Troy and Annie weren’t home yet. Abed sighed, and walked to the kitchen, resigned to eat some buttered noodles by himself, right as the door opened and his friends burst in, filling the apartment with laughter. He walked out of the kitchen to… greet them, he guessed. He just wanted to see them, really. 

“Hey, pumpkin,” Annie greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, “how are you?” 

A kiss and a pet name. That seemed like a good sign. 

Abed shrugged. “Hungry?” he asked, rather than replying to her question. 

“Starving,” Troy said, “I’m gonna make us some dinner.” He headed to the kitchen, and turned right before walking in, pointing a finger at Abed. “Buttered noodles?” he asked with a smile. 

Abed nodded. Another good sign. At least, so he hoped. 

  


***

  


Maybe not, he thought a few hours later. Maybe he was fooling himself with those good signs. Maybe there was a worse reason behind Annie and Troy’s constant hushed whispers to each other. 

He should talk to them- the Annie voice in his mind told him as much, reminding him of the benefits of healthy communications- but how would he even start? 

“Are you two dating?” he blurted out of nowhere while they watched TV. 

Okay, maybe not like that. 

“What?” Annie exclaimed, “No.” 

Well, there went theory number one. Theory number two was that they had grown tired of him and were gonna ask him to move out, and theory number three was non-existent. 

“Then what is it?” he asked. 

Maybe he should ask better questions. His brain felt… wrinkled, the Troy voice in his head offered. 

“What’s what?” the real Troy asked, his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“You’ve been spending a lot of time together,” he explained, “without me. I don’t wanna sound paranoid and insecure, but I am. I just don’t wanna lose you guys.” 

“You’re _never_ losing us, Abed,” Troy said. 

_Then why does it feel like I am?_ Abed wanted to ask, but he held himself back.

“I’m sorry Abed,” Annie said, standing up and coming to sit on the armrest of his chair. He let her grab his hand. “We didn’t mean to exclude you, we just-” she glanced at Troy “- _I_ told Troy something I hadn’t told anyone else, and it… brought us closer.” 

“Oh,” Abed mumbled, “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me.” 

“No, I think I want to,” Annie said, “I should’ve told you before. You’re my best friend.” 

“You’re mine too,” Abed said with a smile, his heart feeling a little lighter- but then he glanced at Troy, and saw a rare, unreadable expression on his face, and it grew heavy again. 

“I’ll leave you guys to it,” Troy muttered, and Abed wondered why he sounded a little sad. Troy walked into their pillow fort, and he switched his focus back to Annie. 

“I like girls,” Annie said softly, with a little shrug. “Not just girls, I don’t think,” she continued, “I’m not quite sure what I am.” 

“You could be bisexual,” Abed offered, “like me. Or maybe pansexual- that’s a little different. I can send you some stuff on those.” 

Annie’s smile became even more adorable- it was that smile that meant Abed had done something right, something that made her feel loved. He adored that smile. 

“That sounds great, pumpkin,” she breathed, and leaned over to hug him. Their position was a little too awkward for a hug, so Abed remedied by pulling her down onto his lap, hugging her as well and lovingly as she deserved to be hugged. 

“I’m proud of you,” he said.

She raised her head from his chest suddenly, “Oh my god, me too! You totally just came out to me too!” 

He shrugged, “It’s no big deal.” 

“Well, it is to me,” she replied, “makes me feel a lot less weird.” 

“Oh, you’re still plenty weird,” Abed reassured her, “just not because of this.” 

“Thanks, Abed,” she laughed, and rested her head on his chest again, clearly resolute to get some more of those Abed cuddles she seemed to love so much. (He may not have been as outspoken about it as she was, but he loved them too.)

  


***

  


“Troy?” 

He turned around to see Annie’s head poking through the blankets, and gestured for her to come in. She sat beside him on the bottom bunk.

“Honey, are you okay? You seemed kinda weird before.” 

“Yeah, I just-” he sighed “-no, actually, I’m not okay. I’m just-” he lowered his voice “-I’m keeping this _huge_ secret from my best friend- these _two_ huge secrets, and I just want to tell him, but I- I can’t.” Fuck, he was going to cry, wasn’t he? “I wanted to come out to him too. I thought I was going to do it, for a second, but then I just- I don’t know how to be cool with this, Annie. I still hate this part of me.” 

“There’s nothing to hate, Troy,” Annie whispered sweetly. 

“I know, but I still do. I still-” he groaned, and gave up on trying to hold back tears “-I still have all these ideas of what gay people are, and Annie, none of them are good. My whole life, I get told these- these horrible sinners exist, and I get warned about them, like they’re fucking werewolves or something, and then I just turn out to be a goddamn werewolf myself.” 

“Troy, those were lies,” Annie said- she sounded so desperate for him to believe her that it almost broke Troy’s heart, because he couldn’t. He couldn’t get the idea out of his head that he was a sinner, a deviant, all those ugly words his parents and friends had used to describe people like _him_. 

“I still can’t get them out,” he whimpered. 

“We’ll replace them with good things,” Annie whispered hopefully, “okay? We’ll blow off class again tomorrow and I’ll teach you some awesome LGBT history, and you’ll see how freaking cool we are.” 

“You keep skipping class for me,” Troy mumbled between sobs. 

“This is more important than class,” she replied, “hey, do you know about Marsha P. Johnson?” Troy shook his head. “Oh, we got a lot of work to do,” Annie said, excitedly clapping her hands. 

Troy laughed at his friend’s excitement- she really was adorable- then sighed, feeling slightly better. 

“Annie, do you know how much I love you?” he asked. 

“Yes, but tell me again,” she replied with a sly smile. 

“I love you more than there are stars in the sky,” he replied with a chuckle, “more than there are weird alien planets in _Inspector Spacetime_ -” he tapped the side of her head with his finger “-more than there are cool interesting facts in that genius brain of yours.”

She laughed, grabbing his hand. “I love you more than there are boring light blue button-ups in Jeff’s closet, and more than there is wine in _Cougar Town_ ,” she said. 

“That’s beautiful,” Troy said, pulling her into a hug. 

“So are you,” Annie whispered, holding him safely in her arms, “every part of you. I know you don’t love some parts of you yet, but I’ll love them so much that you’ll have no choice but to feel the same.”

Troy squeezed her even tighter. 

“Can you be my stuffed animal tonight?” he mumbled. 

“Of course,” Annie laughed, “I’ll just change into my pjs, then we can all watch old episodes of _Scrubs_ until we’re about to pass out.” 

“That sounds great, cuddle bug,” Troy said, booping her nose with his fingers. 

“Alright, honey cakes,” Annie chuckled, “I’ll go get everything ready.” 

“Damn,” Troy muttered to himself as she left, “now I want honey cakes.” 

  


***

  


Troy had spent a whole week studying LGBT history with Annie. Sure, he’d neglected his actual classes a little bit, but accepting himself was more important than Biology and English Lit. 

He felt better, he really did, and when he didn’t, Annie was always there to remind him he was normal and worthy of love. Well, he needed that right now, so he kicked the blankets off and headed to the kitchen, careful not to be so loud as to wake Abed up- his best friend almost never slept enough, so Troy liked to let him sleep in whenever possible. 

Annie was already in the kitchen, of course, a fresh pot of coffee in her hand. 

“Hey, Annie Banannie,” he mumbled. 

“Troy,” she smiled, “hey, sweetie, how are you?” 

He groaned. “I feel like a horrible person.” 

Annie frowned, handing Troy the mug of coffee she had been filling for herself. “Why?” 

“Well, Abed was talking to me last night-” he opened the fridge to grab a bottle of milk, and filled his mug of coffee up to the brim with it “-and I barely heard anything of what he was saying because I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I want to kiss his neck.” 

“Oh,” Annie mouthed. 

“And then,” Troy continued, umperterred, “I went to sleep and dreamt about him. In a-” he sighed “-in an extremely gay way. And now I feel awful.” 

“Honey, it’s normal to think this stuff about the person you’re in love with,” Annie told him sweetly, “it doesn’t make you awful.”

“Yeah but he’s not just the person I’m in love with. He’s _Abed_. He’s my best friend. And I’m just like- being a horndog while he talks about _Inspector Spacetime_.” 

“Well,” Annie said sagely, “ _Inspector Spacetime_ can be incredibly erotic.” 

“Oh my god,” Troy muttered. 

“I’m kidding,” she chuckled, “but seriously, it’s fine. You’re like the most respectful man in love ever.” Troy attempted a small smile, and Annie opened her arms for him. “Come give me a hug,” she ordered, and he gladly obeyed. “You’re not awful,” she whispered, “you’re beautiful and sweet and respectful. And your feelings for Abed are the purest thing in the world.” 

Speak of the devil- or, well, in Troy’s opinion, the angel. 

“Hey guys,” Abed sleepily mumbled, walking into the kitchen, then stopped in his tracks. “Oh, sorry.” 

“Come here, you dumb-dumb,” Annie said, extending an arm towards him to welcome him into the hug. 

Abed didn’t have to be told twice- he immediately put an arm around Annie and, after an almost imperceptible beat, around Troy. Troy was pretty sure no one else would have picked up on that millisecond of hesitation, but he was used to being hyper aware of everything Abed did. 

His breath hitched as Abed’s hand touched his skin- his bare skin, because it had been really fucking hot that night and Troy hadn’t worn a shirt to sleep- his palm first, burning Troy’s skin in the most pleasant of ways, and then his fingers, slowly, one after the other, curling around his side, and suddenly Troy couldn’t focus on anything else. 

His head was still resting on Annie’s shoulder- he turned it slightly, and whispered in her ear, “Why would you do this to me?” and she just laughed. Cruel, straight up cruel. 

“Alright, I have stuff to do, get off me you big teddy bears,” she said then, unraveling from the hug. 

Abed let go of Troy slowly, his fingers trailing across his back before they slipped away- it felt deliberate, like he didn’t want to stop touching him. Troy didn’t let himself think about it too much. He might’ve gone insane if he did. 

  


***

  


Abed felt like a character from a period drama, losing his mind over the smallest of touches from the one they love. It had been _three hours_ since he’d curled his fingers around Troy’s side, trailed them across his back because he just couldn’t stop himself, didn’t want the feeling of Troy’s warm skin underneath his own to ever go away. 

It shouldn’t have been such a big thing- it was just a short hug, and just the slightest instance of skin touching skin, but god, he couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing it had felt. It didn’t make sense, it wasn’t rational at all- no, it was so wildly emotional it was driving Abed a little (a _lot_ ) crazy. He had nothing to compare this feeling to, not even movies -though _Pride and Prejudice_ had been a strong contender- he just knew it must be what love was. It hurt and ached and felt like his sanity was slipping away whenever Troy was near, and oddly enough, Abed loved every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this, please leave some kudos/comments, it makes my day!


	3. something tells me i'm into something good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neil is a main character now. Deal with it. Felipe nation seems excited about it and that's all that matters. 
> 
> Title from Herman's Hermits' "I'm Into Something Good", and yes, it is about Abed and Neil.

Neil was the best.

Abed had started spending increasingly more time with him since they’d both started taking Worldbuilding 101, and he thought he was the best. He got most of Abed’s nerdy references, and made so many of his own, and Abed found himself laughing with him more than he did around anyone who wasn’t Troy or Annie. 

They’d been studying together for- actually, Abed had no idea how long, but they had started while it was light out, and now the sky was getting progressively darker, so definitely a long time. 

“Dude, it’s like six p.m.,” Neil said, as if reading his thoughts, “we should probably stop.” 

“Oh, okay,” Abed said, and dutifully closed his textbook.

Neil did the same, then looked at Abed for a moment, with what Abed had learned to recognize as a nervous expression. 

“Hey, do you wanna get something to eat?” he asked after some silence. 

“Sure,” Abed replied, then furrowed his brows. “Wait, is this a date?”

“No,” Neil said with a laugh, “sorry, Abed, you’re great, I just don’t think-” he gestured vaguely between them “-this would work.” 

“Oh, you’re right,” Abed nodded. “I mean, you’re awesome, but I’m in love with Troy.” He frowned. “Wait, I’ve never said that to anyone. Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t,” Neil assured him with a smile. 

“You have a trustworthy face,” Abed commented as he stood up, then offered Neil his hand to pull him up, “I feel like if I look into your eyes too long I’ll spill all my secrets to you.” 

“Wait, that’s actually a cool power,” Neil said, his eyes widening, “we should give that to a character.” 

“Awesome,” Abed nodded, pointing at him in approval. “We need a handshake.” 

“We can discuss it over dinner,” Neil said, and Abed nodded. 

“I’ll just warn Troy and Annie that I’ll be home late and then we can go,” he said, grabbing his phone to do just that. 

  


***

  


**Having dinner with Neil. Might be home late.**

Troy read the text again. Why did it send a weird pang through his heart? Neil was cool. He didn’t have a problem with Neil. He didn’t, right? 

His train of thought was interrupted by Annie throwing herself onto his lap. 

“Home alone!” she exclaimed, “What do you wanna do?” 

“I don’t know,” he replied, winding his arms around her waist and propping his chin up on her shoulder, “something gay?” 

Annie gasped in delight. “I’m so glad you finally proposed that,” she said, “we should watch _Rent_.”

Troy considered this. “Sounds pretty gay,” he concluded, “I’m in.” 

He still kinda wished Abed was home.

  


***

  


“Knock knock,” Annie said, poking her head through Troy and Abed’s blanket fort the next morning, “I got breakfast.” 

Troy and Abed jumped out of their respective beds, quickly joining her in the living room where she had laid out coffee and donuts for them. “You got home late last night,” she told Abed.

He nodded, “Neil took me to this great bar with a lot of videogames and no people throwing drinks at me.” 

“That sounds cool,” Annie commented. Troy didn’t say anything.

“I’ve gotta tell you guys something,” she said after a while. Troy and Abed both nodded. “I’ve done _extensive_ research and I would like to officially come out to you as bisexual,” she said with a smile. 

“That’s awesome,” Troy said, shooting her a supportive smile. 

Abed hummed. “Welcome to the club,” he said, punctuating the words with some finger guns. 

“Huh?” was all Troy’s brain could come up with. _Very eloquent._  
Abed turned towards him. “I’m bi,” he said, and before Troy could ask anything, he added, “it never came up.” 

Troy nodded. So _that_ felt weird. It was good news, right? The man he’s in love with is also interested in men! Which is something that Troy is! So he could be into Troy, right? Troy felt happy. But also… nervous? Holy shit, emotions were weird. He had no idea what was going on inside his head. 

“That’s cool,” he managed to mumble. He saw the concerned look Abed shot Annie, and mentally kicked himself for causing it. “For real,” he tried to remedy, “I’m proud of you both. This is _really_ cool.” Okay, Troy, that might have been too much enthusiasm, reel it back in. “Cause of like knowing who you are and stuff,” he mumbled. Perfect.

Fine, acceptable. It was nine a.m., okay, forgive him for not having the perfect reaction to finding out the man he’s in love with is bisexual. 

“Thanks, Troy. That means a lot,” Abed said with a genuine smile- like, really genuine. Troy could tell the difference really well. 

“Yeah, it does,” Annie agreed, and sat down to eat breakfast with them, sporting the biggest smile he’d ever seen on her face. 

  


***

  
Abed had started to hang out with Neil a lot.

It didn’t bother Troy. No, seriously, it didn’t. 

Okay, fine, it did. 

It was just that Neil was funny and smart and- well, Troy was out now, so he could admit it- pretty, and Troy had seen him kiss that one dude the year before, so clearly he wasn’t straight, and Abed was bisexual and, well… Troy could do two plus two. 

But it was fine. Troy was cool with it. He just wanted Abed to be happy, and if Neil made him happy, then Troy was happy too. He had to be. 

“Where’s Abed?” he immediately asked when he got home that day. He hadn’t meant to sound so desperate, he’d just barely seen his best friend all day and he thought he’d get there and Abed would be welcoming him home, asking him to play in the Dreamatorium, and instead all he found was Annie studying by herself at the dining room table. 

“He’s with Neil,” Annie replied, not looking up from her work. 

“Oh,” he mouthed, “okay.” 

Annie looked up at him then, sensing the poorly hidden sadness in his voice, and frowned. “You okay, honey?” 

“Yeah.” He sighed. “No.” 

Annie closed her textbook and patted the chair next to her, “What’s up?” 

“I know I’m the one who started to avoid Abed,” he said, sitting beside her, “but now he’s- I don’t know, avoiding me back? He’s barely been at the apartment the last few days, Annie! He’s always-” he was gesturing wildly by this point “-always hanging out with _Neil_.” 

“It’s good that he’s making friends,” Annie offered sweetly. 

“But is he?” he bit back. 

“What?” Annie frowned. 

“Making friends.” Her frown didn’t falter, so he tried again. “I mean, what if they’re, you know, _not friends_?”

“What?” Annie asked again. Troy raised his eyebrow suggestively and she finally understood. “Ooh, okay, I get it.” 

“Annie, what if I’m waiting too long?” he asked, his eyes stinging from unshed tears. “I can’t- I can’t tell him yet, it would be so _fucked_ if I tried to start something with him now, when I’m still so- so mad at myself for loving him. But, god, I can’t bear the thought of seeing him with someone else.” 

“You have to take your time, Troy,” she said sweetly, placing a gentle hand on top of his, “it’s okay.”

“Yeah, but I might lose every chance I have with him because of it.” He let go of her hand- he needed both of his to hide his face as he groaned. “Neil is great,” he mumbled, “and they click together, and it just makes sense for them to be-” He raised his head a little bit, just enough to look Annie in the eyes. 

“Tell me it doesn’t make sense,” he pleaded, “tell me there’s no way he’ll fall for someone who isn’t me.” 

“Oh, Troy,” she _whimpered_ , she honest to god _whimpered_ , and Troy just wanted to die because the last thing he ever wanted to do was make Annie sad. “I wish I could,” she whispered a little brokenly, and suddenly Troy couldn’t hold it in anymore. He burst into tears, and Annie immediately wound her arms around him and held him tight, allowing him to soak her shoulder with his tears. 

  


***

  


“Favorite animated show?” Abed asked. 

“ _Adventure Time_ ,” Neil readily replied, “best song?” 

“The fries one,” Abed replied, “best character?” 

Neil raised his eyebrows and Abed returned the same look. He counted down to one with his fingers, and together they said, “BMO!” 

“Yesss,” Abed hissed, pumping his fist in the air. “Neil, you’re the best,” he said after a moment, tilting his head with a smile, “I’m sorry our group was mean to you.” 

“That’s okay,” Neil shrugged, “I’m over it. As long as I don’t have to deal with Pierce again.” 

“Oh, no, you won’t have to,” Abed assured him, “he left the group at the end of last season.” 

Neil didn’t ask what that meant, which made Abed smile. 

“You know,” he added, pointing his finger at him, “you could take his place.”

“Really?” Neil asked hopefully, but a sad look quickly took over his face. Abed wanted to wipe it away and bring back his smile. “I don’t think the others will want me there,” he mumbled. 

“Jeff originally didn’t want any of us there,” Abed replied, “and Annie told me she wanted to get to know you better a while ago.”

“She did?” he incredulously asked. 

“Yes,” Abed replied, “you’re interesting, Neil. And you’re fun to be around and know a ton of cool stuff. People want to be around you.” 

“That’s- that’s like one of the nicest things I’ve ever been told,” Neil stuttered. 

Abed shrugged, “I’ve been told I’m blunt about my opinions. Which might work out well for us, you know. I’m honest.”

“Yeah, that kind of quells my whole ‘does this person actually like me or do they just pity me?’ anxiety a little,” Neil said with a tentative chuckle. 

“Makes sense,” Abed nodded, “and I don’t pity you. I relate to you and feel sad that you have to deal with some difficult things. But it’s not why I hang out with you.” 

“It’s because of the snacks,” Neil said, nodding wisely. 

Abed’s brows furrowed- that was a joke, which probably indicated Neil felt reassured and more at ease, so Abed smiled. 

“Please join the group,” he asked again.

“Fine,” Neil finally agreed. He pointed a finger at Abed. “But you bring the snacks this time.”

“Deal,” Abed nodded, and offered Neil his hand for their handshake- it was a work in progress, but it was simply a requisite for all of Abed’s important relationships, and he was pretty sure Neil was starting to become part of one of those. 

“Deal,” Neil agreed, then glanced down at his watch. “Shouldn’t you head home? Not that I don’t like having you here, I just don’t want Troy to beat me up for hogging you.” 

“He wouldn’t do that,” Abed quickly reassured him, “but I probably should.” 

“Want me to walk you home?” Neil offered. 

“There’s no logical reason for you to,” Abed reasoned, “my apartment’s close and it’s not that dark outside.” He paused for a moment, then pointed his finger at Neil. “But yes.” 

“Cool,” Neil commented with a smile, and stood up to walk Abed home. 

It had been a good day. Abed was in a really, really good mood. That seemed to be a trend with Neil, really, he was glad they’d finally started hanging out more. He’d tried to find excuses before, but Neil had more often than not blown him off, thinking Abed was just asking out of pity. Which he wasn’t, of course, he thought Neil was all kinds of awesome, and hanging out with him made Abed happy.

He decided he should tell him that, so as they approached his building he turned to Neil and said, “You’re awesome, and hanging out with you makes me happy.” 

“Dude, that’s adorable,” Neil said, “you’re awesome, and hanging out with you makes me happy too.” 

“Hug?” Abed asked. 

Neil pulled him into a hug right away, and Abed smiled into it, happily patting Neil’s back. 

“Goodnight,” he said, pulling away. 

“Goodnight,” Neil replied, and walked off with a pleased smile on his face. 

  


***

  


“This is ridiculous,” Troy said, walking away from the window. 

Annie looked up at him with a sad smile, taking his hand to pull him down on the couch with her. He cuddled up to her and she held him to her tightly. 

“I’m staring out the window watching him hug another man,” Troy mumbled, “how has my life come to this? And since when does he hug people that aren’t us?” 

“I don’t know, but honey, his being friends with Neil doesn’t mean-” the door opened and Abed walked in. He started heading towards the pillow fort, but he caught sight of his friends on the couch and immediately turned to join them, sitting on the other side of Troy. 

“You okay?” he asked, placing a tentative hand on his knee. 

Troy’s breath caught in his throat. 

“I’m just tired,” he breathed. 

“Okay,” Abed said, “come on.” He stood up and opened his arms. 

“What?” Troy frowned. 

“You’re tired, I’m carrying you to bed. I usually only do this when you’re already asleep, but this seems close enough.” 

Troy gasped. “Oh, _that’s_ how I always get to bed! I thought I was sleepwalking.” 

“No, you’re not,” Annie said in a teasing tone, “Abed’s carrying you like a Disney prince.” 

“Well, I’m awake, so I could walk,” Troy half-heartedly pointed out. He really wanted to experience Abed carrying him like a Disney prince. 

“But do you want to?” Annie asked, wagging her eyebrows. 

“Shut up,” Troy hissed, then quickly turned back to Abed. “Fine, carry me,” he said, then pointed to Abed, “but only because I wanna see how your skinny ass manages to carry all of this.”

“Yeah, sure,” he heard Annie mutter under her breath, and shot her a look. 

“Alright,” Abed nodded, and bent down to scoop Troy up in his arms. 

“Holy shit,” Troy breathed, winding his arms around his neck, “how?” 

He let his head fall onto Abed’s shoulder and took a deep breath in. He smelled amazing, as usual. Or maybe he just smelled like Abed, and everything about him was amazing to Troy. 

Abed set him down on the bed, and Troy immediately missed him and just barely resisted the urge to do grabby hands at him like a child to get him to pick him up again. 

“You’re the best,” he said, burying his head in his pillow, already starting to feel sleep take over him. 

“No, you are,” Abed replied, “goodnight, Troy.” 

He wasn’t sure whether he imagined the soft pressure of lips on his forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I am once again asking you to leave kudos and/or comments.


	4. laughing till our ribs get tough (but that will never be enough)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this one, that's all I'm gonna say. The yearning is palpable.

Abed had a huge problem. No, seriously, it was really bad. 

Troy was wearing a tank top. Who even wears a tank top to class? Granted, it was _really_ warm and almost everyone, teachers included, was wearing inappropriately scarce amounts of clothing, but that didn’t mean _Troy_ should, because how the hell was Abed supposed to focus on whatever biology thing he was supposed to learn when Troy was just sitting in front of him with his arms out like that? 

“Here,” Neil mumbled, shoving a water bottle towards Abed, who looked up at him with furrowed brows. “You seem thirsty,” Neil explained with a smirk. 

“Oh my god,” Abed groaned, “maybe becoming your friend was a mistake.” 

“No take-backsies,” Neil shrugged, “it’s my first study group today.” 

“Yeah, so maybe you should listen to the teacher so you can impress everyone with how smart you are-” Abed grabbed the water bottle a little impetuously (he was trying to make a point) “-and stop making fun of me.” 

“Fine,” Neil whispered, “keep staring at your boyfriend.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Abed mechanically replied, but went back to staring at him anyways. 

“You wish he was,” Neil amusedly whispered back. 

“Shut up,” Abed replied, rolling his eyes. _Of course he did._

Troy glanced up at him, and Abed didn’t even have the time to feel embarrassed, because he smiled at him so sweetly that Abed’s heart felt like it was exploding. Then he went back to taking notes, and his arm did this really attractive flexing thing, and Abed took a long swig of water, pointedly ignoring Neil’s barely muted snort of laughter. 

  


***

  


Abed had a particularly cute smile plastered on his face when he walked into the study group that afternoon, with Neil in tow. 

“Everyone, meet our newest study group member,” he happily announced, gesturing towards Neil. 

“We’ve all met him already, Abed,” Jeff said, a little exasperated.

“Not in this context,” Abed shrugged, then looked at Neil. “You can sit next to Troy,” he said, handing him a packet of candy, "as promised." Neil graciously took the candy and set his stuff down next to Troy, smiling amiably at him. Dammit, this dude was gonna make it hard to hate him. Not that Troy wanted to. He wasn't jealous. 

“Hey, Neil,” Annie cheerily said, “I’m happy you’re here.” 

“Thanks, Annie,” he replied with a nervous smile, “and thanks everyone for letting me in.”

“This is gonna be great for our group,” Abed said, “we’re going to have a lot of great new dynamics.” 

“Whatever you say, Abed,” Jeff drawled, “so Neil, group policy says the newest member has to do this week’s assignment.” 

“No it doesn’t,” Abed immediately protested. He turned to Neil. “He just made that up. You don’t have to do that.” 

Why the hell was he so protective of Neil? It wasn’t getting on Troy’s nerves. No, he was totally cool with this. One hundred percent a-okay coolio beans. 

“That’s okay, I’ll do it,” Neil said. 

Of course he had to be kind and gracious. God, read the room, dude. 

“I can help!” Annie chirped, “Why don’t you come over tonight and we’ll work on it?” 

Abed turned towards Troy, raising an eyebrow. He was asking whether it was okay with him. He probably sensed Troy was nervous and not totally okay with this development, because he could read him better than even Troy could read himself. He needed to hide this better. 

“We can get pizza,” he said, because as much as he wanted to dislike Neil for taking Abed from him he didn’t. Plus, he wanted Abed and Annie to be happy more than anything in the world, and this seemed like a good way to make that happen. 

Abed smiled adorably and Troy thought, _worth it_. 

  


***

  


Annie wasn’t usually one for taking breaks, but she and Neil were already halfway through the project, which was due the following week, and she thought they deserved it. 

“Coffee?” she asked, and Neil nodded. 

They headed to the kitchen, passing by Troy and Abed, who were on the couch watching a movie- they had deliberately moved the couch where their chairs usually were, apparently so Troy could nestle himself in Abed’s arms as they watched TV. How much gayer could they possibly get?

“Can you believe them?” she hissed to Neil, closing the kitchen door behind them. 

“They’re cute,” Neil replied with a chuckle. 

Annie hummed, handing him a cup of coffee. “So you’re not dating Abed, then.” 

“Oh, definitely not,” he replied, “I don’t think anyone who isn’t Troy should try to do that.” 

“That’s what I’m saying!” she exclaimed. “Neil, you’re the best.”

“I don’t know about that,” he mumbled bashfully. 

“Well, I do,” she replied, “please stop being so hard on yourself. I was so happy when Abed told me you were gonna join the group. And if Pierce bothers you about it, we’ll take care of it, okay?”

“Sounds menacing,” Neil chuckled. “Honestly, I just have to get used to the idea that people want me around.”

“Oh, yeah, I had to do that too,” Annie nodded, “I always thought I had to be like a certain person- a _perfect_ person- for people to want me, but the study group showed me I can just be myself. Especially those two doofuses out there.” 

“Well, that’s good, ‘cause yourself is a pretty awesome person,” Neil said with a smile. 

“So is yourself,” Annie said. “Can I hug you?” she asked then. 

Some time ago she wouldn’t have asked, she would have simply flung her arms around him, but her friendship with Abed had taught her some important lessons about boundaries. 

Neil nodded, and she happily threw herself into his arms. “Good hugger,” she mumbled as he gladly returned her embrace.

  


***

  


Troy, Abed, Annie and Neil had all headed home together after study group that day, then Annie and Neil had retired to her room to work on their project, and Abed had knowingly pointed at Troy as soon as the door had closed behind them. 

“You’re upset,” he said, “you have been all day. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Troy lied. 

Abed quirked an eyebrow. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but friends don’t lie.” 

Troy sighed. “Something’s wrong,” he admitted, “and I want to tell you, but I can’t yet.” 

“Okay,” Abed nodded, “I’ll make you special drink and we can watch _Spider-Man_. And you can tell me what’s wrong whenever you’re ready.” 

Troy’s eyes welled up with tears and he couldn’t resist the urge to draw Abed into a hug. “Thank you,” he mumbled into his shoulder, “I love you.” He wished he could tell Abed in just how many ways he meant that. 

“I know,” Abed replied. He pulled back, but still held onto Troy’s forearm with his hand. His lip twitched as he stared into Troy’s eyes- a split-second of a smile. “I love you too,” he said, then went off to make their special drink, leaving Troy’s heart in turmoil. 

He returned a couple of minutes later carrying two big glasses filled to the brim with special drink and said, “Help me move the chairs.”

Troy wasn’t sure what Abed had in mind, but he did, and they put the couch in their place instead, then Abed put on _Spider-Man_ , sat on the couch, and patted the space next to him. Troy sat down, and thought his heart might have stopped completely when Abed grabbed him and pulled him down to rest his head on his chest, closing his arms around him. 

“What are you doing?” he asked in a strangled voice. 

“Physical contact usually soothes you,” Abed easily explains, “so I’m trying to soothe you.”

“That’s so cute,” Troy said before he could stop himself. 

“What?” Abed asked in a puzzled tone. 

“So, Spider-Man, huh?” Troy said a little too loudly, “He sure swings around a lot!” 

“Well yeah, that’s kind of his whole deal,” Abed replied, the smile on his lips audible. 

“Wait, does that make him a swinger?” Troy asked. 

“Troy,” Abed laughed, “no.” 

“Hey, don’t judge him!” Troy exclaimed, laughter starting to fall from his lips as well, “The man’s under a lot of stress.” 

“So he needs to _swing_?” Abed asked. 

“Well, you don’t know everything that goes on with him and MJ. Maybe it’s easier that way.” 

“Oh my god,” Abed breathed, “I didn’t expect to be discussing Spider-Man’s sex life today.”

“Well then, clearly you don’t know me as well as you think,” Troy laughed. 

“I’d say I know you pretty well,” Abed said in what Troy had learned could be a dangerous tone- and he was right, because Abed pinched his side exactly in the way he knew would make him squirm. 

“Stop that! Watch the movie!” he yelped. 

“No, this is better,” Abed said and pinched him again. 

“Oh, I’m better than Spider-Man?” Troy smugly quipped, turning around to look him in the eyes. 

Abed pointed a finger at him. “That’s not what I said.” He retracted it. “But yes, of course you are.”

“Aww,” Troy said, sounding weirdly close to Annie. 

“Aww,” Abed mocked him. 

“Shut up,” Troy mumbled. 

“No,” Abed quipped back, “I’ll talk through all the movie. You won’t hear anything Peter Parker says.” 

“I’d rather hear you anyways,” Troy shrugged, “so I win.” 

Abed’s hand was still on Troy’s side, but its grip loosened noticeably, until it was just softly resting on Troy’s side, warming the spot it was on.

“Troy,” he started to say, but suddenly Annie left her room, and he shut up and turned towards her like a startled puppy. 

“Just getting some water,” she said as she walked past them, “carry on.” 

But Abed didn’t continue whatever he was about to say. He held Troy a little tighter and made a comment on the movie, then another, and another, and Troy loved all of them, but he couldn’t stop wondering what it was he had been about to say before Annie walked in. 

He couldn’t hold it against him, though, because Troy was keeping things from him too. Way too many. Maybe he could get rid of one, at least. 

“I was jealous,” he said, and Abed immediately turned towards him, “I was jealous because you’re hanging out with Neil a lot and… I guess I’m worried you’re gonna replace me.” _And that you’ll fall in love with him, and not me._

Abed grabbed the remote and paused the movie. “I need you to hear this, no Peter Parker or anything,” he explained. “You’re my best friend. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. There is no way I could ever replace you, and I would never want to. Okay?” 

“Okay,” a slightly teary-eyed Troy nodded. 

Abed gave him a weird look for a second, a rare one Troy couldn’t understand, but it was gone before he could study it for too long. 

“I love you,” he said. _You have no idea how much._

“I love you too,” Abed replied. 

He could do it now. He could tell him just how he meant those three words, could lean in and press their lips together- Abed was so close he would barely have to move. But he couldn’t do that, no, there was no way it would go well, no way Abed felt the same. 

Instead he sat back down, resting his head on Abed’s chest, and Abed started the movie up again. He revelled in how wonderful it felt to be this close to him, to be surrounded by his best friend, hearing the soft, steady rhythm of his breaths, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, smelling that scent that was so uniquely Abed, that Troy clung to like a puppy with its beloved owner's.

It felt wonderful, but painful, because as close as they were, it would never be enough for Troy, he would always long for more. He wanted to turn around and capture Abed’s lips with his own, wanted to start calling him _baby_ rather than _buddy_ , wanted to tangle his fingers in Abed’s curls and play with them. He wanted it all, and he only wanted it with Abed- he would only _ever_ want it with Abed, there was no way he would ever fall out of love with him. Abed was the one, and that was it for Troy. Even if Abed never felt the same, Troy would never stop waiting for him. 

And he was painfully okay with that, because loving Abed with nothing in return was still a thousand times better than never loving Abed at all. 

  


***

  


“I should have kissed him,” Abed said. 

“Why didn’t you?” Neil asked. 

“Because-” Abed sighed “-okay, in what universe does someone like Troy fall in love with someone like me?” 

“This one,” Neil replied, “obviously.” 

“Stop saying that. That’s not true.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“Neil, I already got lucky by getting him as a friend,” he sighed, “anything else would just be overkill.” 

“Love would be overkill?” Neil frowned. 

“For me, yes. I never expected that to happen anyways, it’s just a bit harder to accept knowing the perfect person is right there and I can’t have him.” 

Neil looked down a little sadly- a little too sadly, Abed must have accidentally struck a chord there. 

“Don’t give up, Abed,” he said after a moment, “I know it’s hard not to, but don’t give up. I had just about given up on genuine friendships, and then you came along, and brought Annie with you. And Troy obviously adores you, so giving up on him would just be stupid.” He quirked an eyebrow at Abed meaningfully. “And I know you’re not stupid.”

“I’m not,” Abed agreed. He sighed, “Why is it so hard to be rational about love?”

“Because otherwise it wouldn’t be love,” Neil answered, “there’s nothing rational about love, and that’s the beauty of it.” 

“That would be a good line for a rom-com,” Abed commented. 

“You can use it,” Neil chuckled, “as long as you don’t give up on Troy. He could be _your_ rom-com.” 

Abed thought about it for a moment. “Fine,” he finally conceded, extending his hand for a handshake to seal the deal. “For the rom-com,” he pointedly clarified. 

“For the rom-com,” Neil echoed, shaking his hand. 

Abed had never wished for a rom-com quite so hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. I'm gonna go have dinner. Please leave some kudos and/or comments if you liked this!


	5. in total darkness, i reach out and touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is where the fic was entirely derailed so, folks, now we are going into a totally different direction than I thought I was gonna go in. It's fun. We have fun. Right? 
> 
> Title from Troye Sivan's "Touch". You should listen to it while you read this. Shit's gon' hit different. Enjoy.

“I’m inviting Neil to movie night,” Annie announced over breakfast. 

“Why do you all love Neil so much?” Troy sleepily drawled, “Does he have magic powers or something?” 

“Arguably, yes,” Abed replied, pointing at him. 

“He’s nice, Troy, give him a chance,” Annie said.

“I told you you have nothing to worry about,” Abed muttered, trying to keep his voice low enough that Annie wouldn’t make out his words and reaching his hand towards Troy. Troy smiled, taking it. 

“Fine, invite him to movie night,” he said. 

“I wasn’t asking,” Annie laughed. 

“Yeah, this isn’t a democracy,” Abed pointed out, “Annie’s a tyrant.” 

“Damn right I am.” 

“That’s not something to be proud of,” Troy pointed out, “I think.” He looked at Abed. “Tyrants are the bad ones, right?” Abed nodded and Troy smiled, clearly proud of himself, and Abed supportively patted his hand. 

“I’m gonna go shower,” he said then, standing up. Troy didn’t let go of his hand right away- he didn’t mean to, it was pure instinct that led him to tug Abed’s hand as if asking him not to leave. “I’ll be right back,” Abed said, and suddenly Troy noticed he’d tightened his grip on Abed’s hand instead of loosening it. He let go then, and Abed’s hand travelled up his arm, lingering on his shoulder for a moment before he left, and Troy really hoped he hadn’t noticed how he’d shivered beneath his touch. 

“You saw that, right?” he whispered to Annie as soon as he left. 

“I felt like I was intruding on something very intimate,” Annie replied, “like walking in on you guys having sex would have felt less weird than that.”

“Don’t make me think about sex with Abed,” Troy groaned. 

“Sorry,” she laughed. She turned serious again and extended a hand towards Troy on the table, which he readily took. “Hey, how are you doing with all of that?” 

“Better,” he replied, “I’m just really trying to shut up the voices in my head that tell me I’m disgusting for being in love with him.” 

“You’re not disgusting. You’re wonderful and you love him so beautifully.” 

“I wish I could love him, like… out loud.” 

“I’m pretty sure he’d like you to,” Annie teased. 

“You don’t- you don’t know that,” Troy stammered, “I don’t think he wants me like that.” 

“I’m sorry, did you just see that whole tender touch moment? The man is _yearning_ , Troy,” Annie pointedly said. 

“What’s yearning?” Troy asked with furrowed brows. 

“It’s all you do,” Annie shrugged, then stood up. “Your turn to do the dishes,” she said then, sticking her tongue out at Troy. 

He groaned, “That’s not fair! I have to yearn, whatever that means!” 

“You can yearn while doing the dishes, pretty boy,” Annie said, pushing their dishes into his hands and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before going to her room. 

  


***

  


“Thanks for inviting me,” Neil said as he helped Abed set things up for movie night. Annie and Troy were in the kitchen making an exaggerated amount of popcorn. 

“Thanks for coming,” Abed replied, “we like having you here.”

“I don’t know about Troy, to be honest.” Neil hummed.

“He’s just a little jealous,” Abed explained, “but he’ll get over when he sees how cool you are.”

“And maybe when he sees how little he has to worry about me stealing his future boyfriend,” Neil added.

“I remember when you used to have a filter,” Abed reminisced. 

“Yeah, I like this better,” Neil laughed, then pointed at him, “hey, remember you said you wouldn’t give up. I’m holding you to that.” 

“I’m not. But I need to test the water first. He shivered under my touch today, which seems like a pretty non-platonic thing to do.”

“Oh yeah, dude, that’s a good sign.”

Abed sighed. “I just wish I could- I don’t know. I wish I wasn’t so scared of losing him and could just tell him.” 

“I am one hundred percent sure you wouldn’t lose him,” Neil said. Abed looked down, obviously unconvinced and Neil stepped closer to place a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, Nadir, since when are you the kind of guy that gives up?” 

“I don’t want to be,” Abed mumbled. 

“Then don’t be,” Neil said, gripping his shoulder, “do something bold.” 

“Something bold,” Abed repeated slowly. 

“Yes,” Neil said, “be fucking bold, Nadir. That’s the love of your life making popcorn in the kitchen, you can’t half-ass it.” 

“When did I tell you he’s the love of my life?” Abed asked. He was pretty sure he hadn’t let that specific thought slip. 

“You didn’t,” Neil answered, “it’s just obvious that you guys are made for each other.” 

“Neil, you’re so cute it’s almost gross,” Abed said. He raised his eyebrows and pointed a finger at him. “No homo.” 

“Little bit of homo,” Neil offered.

“Fine, like ten percent homo,” Abed conceded.

“Just a sprinkle of homo,” Neil said, nodding wisely. 

Abed laughed and pulled him into a hug just as Annie and Troy walked out of the kitchen, carrying two huge bowls of popcorn each. 

“Gross, men can’t hug their male friends!” Annie yelled as she approached them. 

“Wow, okay Pierce,” Neil said, slipping out of the embrace. 

“Ew,” Annie said, scrunching up her nose, “you take that back!” 

“I will when you stop hating gay people,” Neil shrugged.

“Fine,” Annie groaned, grabbing Neil’s hand as she would a mic and speaking right into it, “gay people are cool, and you may quote me on that.”

“Perfect,” Neil said.

“What the fuck,” Troy muttered.

Abed shrugged, grabbing Troy’s arm to pull him closer so he could grab a handful of popcorn. “Gays have weird humour,” he said, “you should get used to it since you’re friends with three of us now.” 

_Yeah, also I’m one of them,_ Troy thought. 

Troy hummed, deeming it better to avoid that specific subject, and loudly said, “So what are we watching?” 

“Well, it’s my turn to pick,” Annie said and Abed immediately groaned. “Rude,” she quipped, “and we’re watching _The Proposal_.”

“What’s that?” Troy asked. 

“The greatest rom-com of all time,” Neil replied. Troy looked at Abed for confirmation, and he simply shrugged.

“Just put it in,” he told Annie, sitting down on the couch and pulling Troy down with him. 

“That’s what she said,” Annie bit back. 

“Annie, that’s disgusting,” Troy amusedly chastised her. 

“It is what it is,” she shrugged, plopping down on the couch next to Neil, who had sat down on Abed’s other side while she was getting the movie ready. “Troy, get ready to have you mind blown,” she said, and pressed play. 

The movie turned out to be great, just like Annie had said it would- it’s not like Troy ever expected her to be wrong- although to be fair, he’d probably need to rewatch it when his brain wasn’t filled with questions about what Neil’s comment about gay people had meant. Did he just mean that he and Abed were gay? Like… separately? Or did he mean he and Abed were gay together? 

Abed had reassured him that Neil wouldn’t replace Troy, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be dating him. He wasn’t dating Troy (unfortunately), so that technically wouldn’t mean replacing him, because Abed had likely never considered Troy as a potential romantic partner. 

He forced himself to pay attention to the movie again- he couldn’t spiral about this right now. 

It was the ending, the big rom-com fix-all ending. Andrew was out of breath and confessing to Margaret, and Troy wanted to cry because he wished his life was that damn easy. He wished he could have the certainty that Abed would love him back, because they were the main characters of the movie and there was no way they’d end up with anyone else. But his life wasn’t a movie, it was messy and weird and confusing, and he wouldn’t need to chase Abed across the country, he could just turn around at any moment and tell him how he felt, but for some reason that felt more terrifying than any dramatic rom-com gesture he’d ever seen. 

“Trust me, you don’t really wanna be with me,” Margaret said, and Troy heard Abed sharply inhale. He turned around to look at him, and was surprised to find Abed’s eyes were already fixed on him. Not the movie. _Troy_.

It was almost completely dark- Abed’s face was illuminated only by the TV’s shaky light, and he looked breath-takingly gorgeous.

“See, the thing is,” Margaret continued, and Troy only heard her, because he couldn’t for the life of him glance away from the mesmerizing vision in front of him, “there’s a reason why I’ve been alone all this time. I’m comfortable that way.” 

Abed took another breath in, deep and shaky this time, and then suddenly his hand was next to Troy’s on the couch, their pinkies almost touching. 

“And I think it would be a lot easier-” Abed raised his pinkie, and put it on top of Troy’s “-if we forgot everything that happened, and I just left.” 

“You’re right,” Andrew said, “that _would_ be easier.” 

Troy heard the music swell, and he guessed they must have been meaningfully staring at each other, but he didn’t turn around to check, too busy looking into Abed’s eyes to care about missing a crucial part of the movie. 

“I’m scared,” Margaret breathed, and Abed mouthed the words along with her. 

“Me too,” Andrew said, and Troy couldn’t mouth it along with him because he didn’t know the words were coming, but he thought Abed must have seen it in his eyes anyways. 

And then the music swelled again and Troy heard people cheering on the TV, and Annie clapped excitedly, and everything felt so fucking unreal, and he turned his hand around and grabbed Abed’s fully, purposefully. 

He wanted to tell Abed right then and there, but something was stopping him still. Abed squeezed his hand, and some of his fears chipped away. 

“Troy,” Abed whispered, “I love you.” 

A dagger went though Troy’s heart, because it was so fucking obvious that the meaning was different this time, and that meant he had been wrong on every count, Abed _did_ love him back, and he’d never liked Neil, and he would probably very happily be with Troy if he just could say the damn words back. 

He opened his mouth. 

Nothing came out. 

Fuck. 

Tears welled up in his eyes. Abed squeezed his hand again, and shook his head. “Whenever you’re ready,” he whispered. 

“I want to be ready now,” Troy brokenly whispered. He heard Neil talking to Annie, and realized he must be trying to distract her from their whispers, so they could have a semblance of privacy, and felt really guilty for ever not liking him. 

“You don’t have to be,” Abed replied. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Something inside Troy gave out and he melted, winding his arms around Abed’s waist and resting his head on his chest, unable to hold his sobs back any longer. 

“Troy?” came Annie’s concerned voice, “Honey, are you okay?”

“He really liked the movie,” Abed replied, tangling his fingers in Troy’s hair and stroking it softly, the way he always did to soothe him.

Annie hummed. He knew she was going to ask him about it later, but she let it go for the time-being, and both she and Neil pretended Troy’s uncontrollable sobs were a reasonable response to a movie where Betty White and Sandra Bullock yelled and danced around in a forest. 

He was really thankful they did. 

  


***

  


“That was pretty bold,” Neil said when Abed walked him downstairs. 

“You said not to half-ass it,” Abed replied with a shrug.

“And you listened,” Neil said. “How are you feeling?” 

“Good. I think he needs some more time, but that’s okay. I know he feels the same now, even if he didn’t say it. And we both have some things to work through.” 

Neil nodded slowly. “You shouldn’t be alone,” he said after a beat. “I mean, trust me, I know it’s easy to accept the loneliness, but you made the right choice by taking that leap.” 

“You’re really wise,” Abed pointed out. 

“I’m just depressed,” Neil laughed, “but sure.” 

“I’m glad you’re my friend,” Abed earnestly said, “I wouldn’t have had the nerve to do that if you hadn’t pushed me to. And now we both know where we stand, and that makes everything a thousand times better. At least for me.” 

“You deserve that,” Neil said with a smile. 

Abed hummed, his own lips curved in a smile. He pointed at Neil. “Once this whole thing is figured out, we’re gonna get you a significant other.”

Neil laughed. “Alright, boss, whatever you say.” 

“You don’t like Annie, do you?” Abed asked. 

“Not like that,” Neil answered with a laugh, “sorry, dude, I’m one hundred percent gay.” 

“Hm. You would’ve been cute.” 

“I’m cute with everyone.” 

“Okay, true. We’ll find someone else.”

Neil laughed once more. Abed liked making him laugh. Maybe he just liked seeing Neil happy.

“Deal,” he said. “Goodnight, Abed.”

“Goodnight Neil,” he said, holding his hand out for their handshake (which they had finally perfected), “and thank you.”

After their handshake, Neil started to leave, then stopped halfway out the door. “Oh, and Abed,” he dramatically said, “thank you.” 

“ _They Came Together_ ,” Abed said, pointing at him, “nice.”

Neil laughed and shot Abed a wink and some finger guns before leaving, and Abed walked back up the stairs to the apartment, still giddy with the multitude of emotions of the night. 

As soon as he opened the door, he found himself with an armful of Troy. He drew his arms around him at once and held him just as tightly as Troy was holding him, for as long as he needed it. A few minutes passed before Troy pulled away, and Abed could see the glint of unshed tears in his eyes. 

“Goodnight,” he whispered. 

“Goodnight,” Abed whispered back, and smiled to himself as he watched his best friend’s figure disappear into the pillow fort without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... it's about the HANDS!!!! Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed. Kudos? Comments? Please?


	6. call my bluff, call you babe, have my back every day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was the worst fucking day so I'm posting another chapter to cheer myself up because hopefully people will like it and inject me with serotonin because of it. Who needs therapy anyways? 
> 
> Title from Taylor Swift's "It's Nice To Have A Friend" because holy shit guys.

“Neil!” Troy called, spotting him a little bit down the hallway, and skipped the rest of the way to him when he turned around.

“Hey, Troy,” he said, “what’s up?” 

“I’ve gotta talk to you,” Troy said, slightly out of breath, “do you have class right now?” 

“No, I was just gonna go to the courtyard,” Neil replied, “wanna come with?” 

Troy nodded and followed him outside, where he sat beside him on a bench. “So,” he said, fidgeting nervously with his hands, “I owe you an apology. I’ve been a bit of a dick to you.” 

“I mean, you were still pretty nice,” Neil interjected, “but continue.” 

“Well, I was mostly mean to you in my head. The point is I was jealous, because I kinda thought you and Abed were-” he tilted his head meaningfully “-you know.” 

“I figured,” Neil replied, “it’s okay.” 

“When you say you figured, what, uh- what exactly did you figure?” Troy stammered.

“I don’t think it’s my place to say.”

Troy sighed. “Would be easier if it were,” he mumbled. 

“Hey.” Neil placed a tentative, reassuring hand on Troy’s shoulder, and Troy looked up at him. “It gets better.” 

“My family’s gonna hate me,” Troy sighed. 

“My best friend told me she could never look me in the eyes again when I came out to her,” Neil recounted, “I never came out to anyone after that. I just kinda let people figure it out on their own. It sucks that we have to gamble with relationships in order to be ourselves, but eventually you find your people and it _does_ get better.” 

Troy nodded slowly, letting Neil’s words sink in. 

“You’re a really good dude, Neil,” he said then, “and I’d like to be one of your people, if you’ll let me.” 

“I’ll let you,” Neil said with a smile. 

“I uh-” Troy shifted a bit, sitting up a little taller “-I’ve only told Annie this, and I guess you already know anyways, but I just- can I tell you?” Neil nodded, intently looking at Troy, who took a deep breath in before letting the words leave his mouth for only the second time in his life, “I’m gay.”

“Me too,” Neil replied easily, “and I’m proud of you.” 

“See, all the coolest people I know are gay,” Troy exclaimed, animatedly gesturing with his hands, “there’s no way it isn’t a good thing!” 

“It’s a great thing,” Neil said, “have you _seen_ boys?” 

“I have! They’re gorgeous!” Troy replied. 

“Exactly!” Neil laughed, “Plus, we get rainbows! That’s pretty awesome!”

“I love rainbows!” Troy exclaimed with an ecstatic grin. 

“Man, remind me to take you to Pride, you’re gonna love it,” Neil said. 

“Oh my god, I forgot about Pride. Neil, being gay might be the most awesome thing ever.” 

“It is. Welcome to the club.” He extended a hand towards him, and Troy happily shook it. 

“Fuck yeah, gay club,” he chuckled. He sighed, letting go of Neil’s hand. “Man, thank you. You have no idea how much better this made me feel.” 

“I got a pretty good idea,” Neil said, “I’ve been there, remember? Do you have any idea how religious my family is?” 

“No, but we should talk about that sometime,” Troy replied. 

“Sure, man. Whatever you need,” Neil said. 

“I think it’s time for me to be honest,” Troy sighed, “I think I gotta come out.” 

“Are you ready for that?” Neil frowned. 

“I think so? I don’t know if I could ever be fully ready, but I know there’s at least two people who’ve got my back.” He paused. “Three. I almost forgot Abed literally told me he loves me last night.” 

“Yeah, that happened,” Neil said with a raise of his eyebrows, “how are you feeling about that?” 

“Weird,” Troy replied. “Like, good weird, because holy shit, it’s _Abed_ , but-” he sighed “-also bad weird, because when I think about being in a relationship with a man, I just hear all these voices in my head telling me it’s wrong, and I want to tell him that I- you know, me too, but the words just… get stuck in my mouth.” 

“You don’t have to tell him right away,” Neil said softly, “just take it one step at a time.” 

“I wanna come out to him,” Troy said. “I mean, I know he totally already knows, but I still feel like I should tell him officially. And the rest of the study group, I guess.” He shuddered. “Oh, god. Shirley.” 

“You got this,” Neil said, gripping Troy’s shoulder reassuringly, “I’ll come out with you if it makes it easier.” 

Troy sighed. “I think it might. I like knowing I’m not alone.” 

“Well, if you think about it, the majority of the study group is actually gay.” 

“Wait, Annie told you?” 

Neil laughed. “Yeah, people keep telling me things because I apparently have a trustworthy face. Abed said that.” 

“He’s right.” Troy nodded, then took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll go- I’ll go find Abed. I’ll tell him, and then we’ll tell the study group this afternoon. Deal?” He extended his hand.

“If you’re sure-” Troy nodded, and Neil’s expression eased. “Okay, deal.” They shook hands, then Troy quickly said goodbye and set off to find Abed. 

It didn’t take long for Troy to sitting at his favorite spot in the library. “Hey,” he greeted him and Abed looked up, a smile immediately forming on his lips. “Can we go somewhere private?” he asked, nervously glancing at the other students in the library. 

“Sure,” Abed replied, standing up and grabbing his stuff. “The Film Studies classroom is empty right now, the teacher left to become a beekeeper.” Troy nodded, and Abed grabbed his hand- it sent shivers up Troy’s spine, despite having done it a hundred times before. There was something different about it, something new and exciting, now that he knew where he stood with Abed- which was on _decidedly romantic territory_. 

Abed let go of his hand when they reached the classroom, and Troy immediately began to miss his touch.

“Okay, so,” he started, “I’m pretty sure you know already, ‘cause you’re really smart, and also that other word that means you notice things-”

“Observant,” Abed helpfully interjected. 

“Yeah, thanks. But I want to tell you, because I think you should hear it from me, y’know?” Abed nodded. He probably knew where he was heading. That didn’t make this any less nerve-racking. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes, and then breathed out, “I’m gay.” He opened his eyes, and met Abed’s. “Like, really gay. Super duper fucking gay.” _For you, specifically._

“I get it,” Abed said, “but if it makes you feel good you can say it again.” 

Troy laughed. It kind of did. 

“I’m gay,” he repeated. “Woo, that feels _good_! Three people know, Abed, that’s like- I don’t know, you could make a band out of the people who know I’m gay. I’m gay!” 

“Troy, first of all, this is the cutest coming out scene ever.”

Troy blushed, and mumbled a soft “Thank you.”

“Second of all-” he smiled the sweetest, fondest smile Troy had ever seen “-I’m really proud of you. Can I hug you?” 

“Yes, please,” Troy choked out, feeling all the emotions of the morning start to catch up to him. 

“You can cry,” Abed whispered as he wound his arms around Troy and held him tighter than he’d ever been held, “it’s okay.” 

“I’m sorry I can’t say the rest yet,” Troy mumbled, the words muffled against Abed’s shoulder. 

“You don’t have to,” Abed replied, “take your time. I’ve known since I was a kid, but you’re having your big gay coming of age moment now, and I wouldn’t want to interfere with your character development.” 

“Abed, baby, my character development wouldn’t exist without you,” he sighed. 

Abed pulled away and looked at Troy with wide eyes. “Did you just- did you just call me baby?” he stammered. 

Troy’s eyes slowly widened. “Fuck. Oh, fuck I think I did. I’m sorry, it just- it just slipped out. I am _so_ sorry. Please ignore that.”

“I don’t- I don’t think I can,” Abed replied, appearing a little- okay, a _lot_ \- flustered himself. 

“Oh god,” Troy groaned, “I’m sorry. That was so weird.”

“It wasn’t weird.” Troy raised his eyebrows. “Okay, fine, it was a little weird, but _we’re_ weird, so that’s not new. The point is I kind of-” his voice lowered substantially, but thankfully Troy was still close enough to perfectly make out the words “-liked it.”

“You _liked it_?” 

God, his heart was going to give out. 

“Yeah,” Abed breathed, “kind of a lot. I’d like to hear it again.” 

It was _definitely_ going to give out. 

“You want me to- you want me to call you baby again?” he said, his voice coming out strangled and ten octaves higher than usual. 

Abed nodded. “If you’d like to,” he said in a low, suave tone, catching Troy’s fingers in his, “I want you to call me baby again.”

That was it. Troy Barnes, time of death: whatever the fuck time it was. 

“I- oh, god. Okay.” He took a deep breath in and shakily whispered, “Baby.” 

“Cool,” Abed breathed, “cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.” 

“That’s a lot of cool’s.”

“I would’ve said even more, but I didn’t wanna get too redundant.”

Troy stared at him, and Abed stared back, and he almost felt like maybe, if he had just a little more nerve, he could- 

“I have class,” Abed said, snapping him out of his thoughts. “I’ll see you later,” he hurriedly added, gathering his things, “I love you, and I’m proud of you.” He quickly pressed a kiss to Troy’s cheek (what the hell? Since when was that a thing they did?) and left. 

Troy watched him walk away- gaping, he had to guess- and only realized when he was already too far away that he hadn’t said the words back. 

  


***

  


“You ready?” Neil asked, standing outside of the study room with his hands on Troy’s shoulders- he was going for a very hands-on and enthusiastic approach to supporting his friends, sort of channeling his inner Aang. 

“No,” Troy replied, “but I don’t think I’ll ever be any more ready than this.” Neil nodded. “Remember, go word is 'pelican.'” 

“Got it,” Neil nodded before opening the door for them. 

“Good afternoon, Troy. Neil,” Shirley immediately greeted them.

Neil saw the panic start to take over Troy’s face right away, and grabbed his arm as they sat down. “You don’t have to do it,” he reminded him in a whisper, and Troy nodded. 

“What’s up, everybody?” Britta loudly asked, entering the study room- the last of them to arrive. She slapped Abed’s shoulder as she sat down. “What’s new, buckaroo?” 

“Nothing… buckaroo,” Abed confusedly replied. 

“I have some-” Troy cleared his throat “-I have some news. This buckaroo.” 

“Please stop saying buckaroo,” Jeff grumbled. 

Britta stuck her tongue out at him while Troy turned towards Neil, who gave him a reassuring thumbs-up.

“What’s your news, Troy?” Shirley asked in her sugar-coated voice. 

“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “Annie, you might wanna get a headstart on the whole running here to hug me deal.” She dutifully nodded, standing up and coming to stand right beside them. “Okay.” He turned towards Neil with another deep breath. “Pelican.” 

Troy and Neil pointed towards each other at the same time, just the way they had rehearsed, and both yelled, “He’s gay!” at the same time.

Abed started to laugh gingerly, and Annie immediately hugged Troy, then pulled Neil in too after a few seconds. 

“That was great,” Abed was saying, “did you guys rehearse that?” 

“Yep,” came Troy’s reply, muffled in Annie’s embrace. 

“So cool,” Abed breathed. Of course he was impressed with their dorky coming out. 

Annie finally let go of Troy, and it was Abed's turn to hug him. 

“Good job,” Neil heard him whisper, “baby.” 

Abed pulled away, leaving a completely flustered Troy behind, and Neil caught his eye. _Baby?_ he mouthed. Abed simply winked at him and sat back down. 

“So, uh,” Troy stammered, addressing the others, who were still gaping at them, “I’m gay.” He gestured towards Neil. “He’s also gay.” Neil nodded. 

“I’m bi,” Annie spoke up. 

“Me too,” Abed added, “bi.” 

“Okay,” Jeff said, “well done.” 

“So many gay people,” Britta delightedly gasped, “ _so many_.”

“Weird, Perry,” Jeff frowned, “reel it back in.”

“I’m going to be a great ally,” she reiterated, “I promise.”

“Okay, just don’t be weird about it,” Annie muttered, clearly still slightly weirded out. 

Troy dared a look at Shirley, and Neil followed his gaze. 

“Shirley?” he asked in a small voice. 

She took a deep breath, then nodded. Troy smiled. He must’ve known exactly what it meant. 

“Wait!” Britta exclaimed, startling all of them, “Are you two dating?” She gestured between him and Troy. 

“Oh, no,” Neil said, “no, no, no. No. Definitely not.”

“Dude, that was a lot of no’s,” Troy whined, “what the hell?”

“Sorry,” Neil sheepishly replied, “you’re very attractive.”

“Hell yeah I am,” Troy mumbled, and Abed enthusiastically nodded in agreement. _Seriously?_ And Britta thought _he_ was dating Troy? 

“Alright,” Britta muttered, seemingly a little let down. She must have really wanted to have a gay couple as friends. Oh, well- Neil gazed at Troy and Abed, who were now _holding hands underneath the table_ \- soon.

“We don’t actually have to study now, right?” Troy asked, slumping back on his chair, clearly relieved, and interlacing his fingers behind his neck while Abed kept his hand firmly placed on his knee, “That was legit exhausting.” 

“Cool with me,” Jeff shrugged, already standing up and collecting his books to leave. 

“Well, why don’t we talk about something gay?” Abed offered, leaning in a little closer to Troy on the table- Neil quirked an eyebrow at Annie, and she snickered. 

“Alright, that’s too much for me,” Shirley said, standing up, “I’m proud of you kids, but I’m gonna head out.” 

“Bye, Shirley,” Annie called after her. “Britta?” 

“Oh, I’m cool with the gay stuff,” she said, a little too intensely for Neil’s comfort, “ _super cool_.”

“Reel it in, Perry,” Abed said in his best Jeff voice, “reel it in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha please leave some nice comments and/or kudos (jean-ralphio voice) I am very sad.


	7. the truth runs wild, like a tear down a cheek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with homophobia from a family member. If that might hit you badly, please don't read it. I'll put a quick recap in the notes. Be careful, I do not want anyone to get upset by reading about some gay bitches. Love y'all. Things will get happier from the next chapter, I promise. 
> 
> Title from Troye Sivan's "HEAVEN".

When Troy walked into the kitchen that morning, he was going for _ceremonious_. He had a very important announcement to make, and he wanted his demeanor to reflect that. He guessed it must’ve worked when Abed and Annie shifted their focus entirely on him as soon as he walked in, before he even said a word. 

“What is it?” Abed asked. 

God, the man could read him well. 

“I’m going to tell my parents,” Troy declared. 

Abed stood up. “You mean-” 

“I’m going to tell them I’m gay.” 

He stepped up to Troy, gripping his arm tightly- a lot tighter than Troy was used to from Abed. 

“Troy, you have to be prepared for it to not go well,” he said. He frowned. “I’m sorry if that was too brusque, I just don’t want you to go in unprepared and come out with your heart broken.” 

Troy just had to hug him then- and so he did, winding his arms around Abed’s neck, and Abed returned the embrace immediately, clinging to him like a castaway to a broken raft.

“I know, baby,” he said- the pet name had started to slip out so easily he barely even noticed it anymore. He mainly noticed because of the way Abed’s breath hitched everytime he used it. “I know it’s… risky-” he pulled away to look Abed in the eyes, but Abed kept holding onto his waist “-but I have to do it. There’s so much they don’t know about me, _so much_. They barely know who I am, and I don’t know where I would stand with them if they did.” He sighed. “I just need to know. Even if they don’t want me anymore, I’d rather know. I just uh- I wanted to ask you guys to come with me.” 

“Both of us?” Annie asked, standing up as well, “Not just Abed?”

“Annie, you’re my best friend too,” Troy replied, “yes, of course both of you.”

“Okay,” Abed nodded, “when?” 

Troy sighed. “My dad and his girlfriend said we can go over for lunch today, and my mom’s coming over for breakfast tomorrow.” 

“A busy weekend,” Annie commented. 

“You don’t have to come,” he quickly said, “neither of you. I’m just scared.” 

“I’ll come,” Abed said. He glanced at Annie and she nodded. “We’ve got you.” 

“Okay,” Troy breathed. “Okay, I’m really doing this, huh?” 

Abed nodded slowly and raised a hand to Troy’s cheek, to catch a tear Troy hadn’t realized had fallen from his eyes. “You’ll be okay,” he whispered, and Troy allowed himself to fall forwards into his arms. Abed’s hand tangled in his hair, starting to stroke soothingly, and soon enough Annie’s arms were around him too. 

“You’ll be okay,” Abed repeated, and Troy almost believed him. 

  


***

  


“Breathe.” 

They were standing in the driveway of his father’s house, dressed all nice and fancy, and it was the most difficult instruction Troy had ever tried to follow. 

“Breathe,” Abed repeated. 

Troy grabbed his hand and gripped it tight in his own. “I’m trying,” he croaked. 

“In for four, out for eight,” Annie whispered. Troy breathed in for four seconds, held it for a moment, then exhaled for eight. “Good,” she whispered, “again.” He kept going until his breaths slowed and started to come a little naturally, then nodded. 

“Okay,” he sighed, “let’s go.” He stepped up to the door and knocked. The first knock was a little weak, so he knocked again. His hand was still holding onto Abed’s, he realized as he heard his father’s footsteps approaching the door. He released it like it had burned him, and immediately turned to look at Abed, eyes filled with unspoken apologies. Abed simply smiled. 

“Troy,” his father’s gruff voice said, and he turned to see the door had been opened while he was busy staring into Abed’s eyes.

“Hey, dad,” he said. His voice sounded high pitched and shaky like a little kid’s and he hated it. “These are Annie and Abed, my best friends and roommates.”

His father nodded, and gestured for them to come inside, which they did. Troy wondered whether everyone else felt as awkward as he did. 

“Hey, Troy,” his father’s girlfriend sing-songed, appearing seemingly out of nowhere and hugging him as soon as the door closed behind him. 

“Hey, Jen,” he sighed, awkwardly patting her back.

“Lunch is ready,” she said, releasing him with a smile, “I made lasagna, your favorite.”

Troy smiled, so obviously forced it hurt, and let her lead the way to the dining room. Abed appeared at his side and leaned over to confusedly mumble in his ear, “That’s not your favorite,” and he remembered how it felt to actually smile. 

Lunch was… quiet. Way too quiet. Troy could hear the clinking of utensils and the chewing of food and he kept glancing at his side to Abed, worried about how much those sounds were surely bothering him. Abed grimaced for half a second, but before anyone but Troy could notice he was back to politely smiling. Troy was so thankful for him he might cry. He wouldn’t, though. His father had always hated it when he cried. 

“So,” Jen finally broke the silence, “how’s school?” 

“Fine,” Troy replied. He should probably have said something more, but he couldn’t think of anything. Thankfully, Annie jumped in to save him by talking about their next Biology project, but even she couldn’t carry the conversation for too long and soon enough the deafening silence was back. 

He could feel Abed’s leg bouncing beneath the table, and he ached to reach out and touch it, the way he knew helped ease Abed’s anxiety. 

That must be what finally made him break, the clear discomfort Abed was in.

“Dad,” he said, “I gotta tell you something.” His father looked up at him and nodded. Troy took a deep breath in. This was it. 

“I’m gay,” he said in a quiet exhale. 

“What?” his father sharply bit back. 

“I’m gay,” he repeated a little louder, a little steadier. 

“No, you’re not,” his father said. 

“Uh, yeah, I am,” Troy said with a nervous laugh, “I think I’d know.” 

“This is your mother’s fault,” his father sighed, “I told her you were too soft. But no, she couldn’t accept that there was anything wrong with _sweet little Troy_.” 

Troy shivered at the obvious disgust in his voice, and tears started pricking at his eyes. _Not now,_ he begged them, _please, not now._.

“There’s nothing wrong with Troy.” 

Troy turned towards Abed. He was wearing an angry expression- his brows were furrowed, and his lips were curled in a way that would have been subtle for anyone else, but which for Abed meant unbridled fury. 

His father started to say something- no, not say, yell- but Troy couldn’t even make out his words anymore. He kept looking at Abed, kept staring as he replied with something Troy still couldn’t hear. 

“So, uh,” he choked out, and suddenly all eyes were back on him, “so you hate me now, dad?” 

“He doesn’t hate you,” Jen started, trying to do some damage control, but his dad cut her off. 

“You can leave,” he simply said. 

“Seriously?” Troy exclaimed, “That’s it?” 

“You did this to yourself,” his father replied. 

“No, I didn’t,” Troy said, standing up. Abed and Annie readily stood up after him. “Let’s go,” he said, with a startling- even to himself- certainty in his voice. He grabbed Abed’s hand and urgently added, “ _Please_ ,” soft enough for only him to hear. 

Abed nodded and gestured at Annie, who grabbed all their stuff, then turned back to Troy’s father before leaving. 

“You’re a dick,” he muttered, accusingly pointing a finger at him, and Troy exploded in an uncontrollable burst of laughter as his friends dragged him outside. He keeled over in the driveway, desperately trying to regain his composure and holding onto Abed’s arm for balance. 

“Troy?” Abed said a little unsurely. 

“You just-” he stood tall, gasping for hair “-you just called my homophobic father a dick.” 

“Yeah,” Abed mumbled, “sorry. I got carried away.” 

“It was awesome,” Troy said, “oh, it was awesome.” He flung his arms around Abed, still laughing, and Abed tentatively hugged him back. He kept laughing, and then at some point- he didn’t even notice- his laughter turned to sobs, and before he knew it he’d completely soaked Abed’s shoulder with his tears. 

“You’re okay,” Abed was whispering in his ear, over and over. Annie was standing on his side, stroking his back, and the rest of the world was spinning. They were the only fixed objects, the only thing holding Troy up.

“My father hates me,” he managed to get out between sobs. 

“Fuck him,” Abed said. Troy was pretty sure he’d never heard him say that out of character. “I love you.” 

“I don’t have a fucking family,” he breathed. 

“Yeah, you do,” Annie said. “We can be a family. The three of us. Four, if you finally like Neil.” Troy laughed a little at that- though it didn’t sound much like a laugh, suffocated as it was by his crying. 

Abed grabbed him by the shoulders, prompting Troy to look up at him. “Troy, look at me,” he said, so intensely that Troy couldn’t even imagine trying to look anywhere else. “There is nothing wrong with you,” he said, as he raised a hand to tuck a strand of Troy’s hair back in place- he kept it there, absent-mindedly stroking the side of Troy’s face as he spoke. “You’re so beautiful and absolutely perfect. You taught me how to love.” Troy audibly sobbed at that, and might even have fallen over if not for the strong hold Abed kept on him. “You can never doubt your worth,” Abed continued, “because you are worth absolutely everything to me. And you’re my family. You guys are the only family I need.”

“You’re my family too,” Troy managed to whisper, “I don’t- I don’t need them.” He nodded, trying to convince himself more than anyone else. “I don’t. I just need you.” 

“And you’ve got me,” Abed whispered, winding his arms around Troy again, guiding his head to rest on his shoulder, where it nestled so easily, because it felt like home, “you’ve always got me.” 

Troy would have leaned back and kissed him right then and there, if not for the fact that it would have been their first kiss. 

And they deserved a much better first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recap in case you skipped this: Troy decides to come out to his dad, and asks Abed and Annie to accompany him. They go there for lunch, and he comes out, and his father is an ass and tells him to leave. Troy cries in Abed's arms, and Annie and Abed tell him they will be his family. You can probably read the last few lines that are just some gay ass shit. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! Usual kudos/comments stuff here <3


	8. life clove you and me, but magic might happen if i cross the c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back, baby. I love this chapter, it is so CUTE! Please enjoy.
> 
> Title from "History Read" by The Altogether- both because it's a great lyric, and because the second to last scene only exists because of my love for Brian David Gilbert. So everybody say thank you, BDG.

Troy woke up that morning and everything hit him again- his father’s face when he came out, his harsh words, him telling Troy to leave- and suddenly he felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

“Troy?” a sleepy voice called from beside him. He turned around to see Abed half sitting up, sleepily rubbing his eyes. It was such an adorable sight that it immediately eased Troy’s mind, and breathing started to come a little easier. 

“Abed,” he said, in what sounded and felt like awe. 

“You asked me to sleep here last night,” Abed readily explained, as if Troy would ever demand an explanation for waking up next to him, “you were half-asleep, so I don’t know if you remember-”

Troy tackled him into a hug. It was slightly weird, and definitely uncomfortable, and if he thought about it for too long he’d realize their bodies were almost completely pressed together, and that was likely all kinds of inappropriate for two people who were technically still _friends_ \- but god, it was exactly what he needed. 

“Thank you,” he sighed as Abed hugged him back. 

“Always,” Abed whispered, “ _always_.” 

Troy sat back up, but Abed kept his hands on him, one on Troy’s hand -reassuring- and one on his thigh -driving him a little insane. 

“My mom’s gonna be here soon,” he said. 

“Annie’s probably already making breakfast,” Abed said, “just get up and get ready, we’ll take care of the rest.” He made to stand up, then, to do just that, but Troy pulled his hand to drag him back down, causing Abed to fall over and into his arms. 

“Thank you,” he whispered again into his shoulder, “you’re the fucking best.” 

“You are,” Abed replied, “now let me go, so we can impress your mom with the greatest breakfast in the universe.”

Troy laughed and let go of Abed, only to stare at his back as he left the pillow fort, filled with all the longing of a man in love. Once he was out of sight, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. “In for four, out for eight,” he mumbled to himself, and followed his own directions until he felt at ease. 

He got ready in a sort of haze, feeling as if he was lost at sea, with only the buoys that were Abed and Annie to keep him afloat. He sat on the couch once he was dressed- he checked himself in the mirror what felt like a hundred times, until Abed dragged him away, pointedly telling him he looked great- and silently waited for his mom to show up. 

His heart dropped when the doorbell rang. “I got it,” he said, unsteadily standing up. Annie rushed to hold him up, and he smiled, squeezing her hand before heading to the door and opening it. 

“Troy!” his mom exclaimed, immediately drawing him into a bone-crushing hug. 

“Mom,” he mumbled, “I can’t breathe. Please.”

“Oh, shut up, I haven’t seen you in ages,” she said, letting go of him and studying him carefully, “you look nice.”

“So do you,” he replied, then gestured at his best friends, who were standing beside him, “that’s Annie and Abed.”

“Oh, let me take a look at you,” she crooned, walking up to Annie and hugging her. She moved on to Abed next, who looked a little nervous and reassuringly said, “Don’t worry, Troy told me you’re not a hugger.” Abed sighed in obvious relief. 

“Well, come on in,” Annie politely said, gesturing towards the table she and Abed had set beautifully. Abed pulled a chair out for Troy’s mom, and she sat down. 

“I made waffles,” Annie explained, “pancakes, eggs.” She pointed at every item as she named it. “There’s coffee, tea, orange juice-” 

“Well, you guys certainly are prepared,” his mom chuckled, “I’ll have some coffee.” 

Abed nodded and filled her cup while Troy sat down beside her, then he sat down on Troy’s other side, while Annie started to serve everyone. 

“You said you wanted to tell me something,” his mom said before even touching her coffee, never one for preambles. 

“Yeah,” Troy breathed, and blindly searched for Abed’s hand beneath the table. Abed grabbed his hand with both of his, ignoring his breakfast in order to hold on to Troy. “Mom, I love you,” he said, trying for a gentler approach this time- not that things would have gone any different if he’d done that with his dad. 

“I love you too, sweetie,” she promptly replied, and he nodded. 

“And I hope you still will,” he continued, “after I tell you that I-” he took a deep breath in “-I am gay.”

“Oh,” his mom mouthed, and Troy’s heart sped up. She smiled after only a second, and his heartbeat started to go back to normal. “I still love you,” she said, “of course I do.” 

“Oh, thank god,” Troy sighed, and quickly pulled her into a hug. 

“Of course, sweetie,” she said, lovingly stroking his hair. 

He still had a family. He had his mom, he had Abed, he had Annie, he had the rest of the study group. People knew, and he hadn’t lost everything. Most of them still loved him.

“So,” his mom said with a sly grin as they pulled apart, “have you got a cute boyfriend?” 

Troy couldn’t help but glance at Abed. He was already looking at Troy, and he smiled _oh so tenderly_ when their eyes met. 

“Not quite yet,” he breathed, and was entranced by Abed for a few seconds more, caught in the way his smile was slowly spreading, before he turned back towards his mom, whose eyes were darting between the two of them, filled with gentle understanding.

  


***

  


Abed watched carefully as Troy closed the door behind his mom, checking to see whether his smile faltered at all. It didn’t. Troy turned around and looked at him, still smiling. 

“Are you happy?” Abed asked. 

Troy’s smile grew even bigger, and he threw himself into Abed’s arms. Abed happily returned the hug. 

“I’m happy,” Troy mumbled into his neck, “I’m so happy.” 

“Good,” Abed whispered, gently stroking his hair. 

That was all he wanted. 

  


***

  


“I brought pizza!” Neil announced as soon as he walked into the apartment. 

“That’s why we love you,” Annie said, kissing his cheek and taking the pizza from his hands to bring them to the table. 

“Just the pizza?” Neil laughed, “Ouch.” He shifted his attention to Troy, and scooped him into his arms. “Proud of you, dude,” he said. 

“Thanks, man,” Troy said, keeping a hand on Neil’s shoulder when they pulled apart, “and thanks for coming to my Big Gay Coming Out Party.” 

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Neil chuckled. 

“Woo! Gay people!” Abed exclaimed, appearing from the pillow fort with four rainbow party hats in his hands. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard those words said with so much enthusiasm,” Annie laughed, grabbing one of the hats and putting it on. She twirled around and looked at Troy. “How do I look?” 

“Gorgeous,” he said with a laugh, grabbing her hand to twirl her around again, “as usual.” 

She hummed, leaning against his chest, then she nodded towards Abed and whispered in his ear, “And how does he look?” 

Troy looked towards Abed, who had decided he should wear every single item of rainbow clothing he owned- a white shirt with a pattern of tiny rainbows, a rainbow tye-dye hoodie, rainbow socks, and of course, a rainbow party hat. 

“Breathtaking,” he whispered back, “as usual. Now leave me alone.” 

“Rude,” she bit back with a laugh, and twirled away as Abed approached him. 

“Your hat,” he reverently said, doing a little curtsy. Troy deliberately didn’t take the hat- it was a challenge of sorts, and he could see by the glint in Abed’s eyes as he stood back up that he’d perfectly understood. He slowly put it on Troy, then let his hand linger on the nape of his neck. 

“Thanks,” Troy breathed. He stopped himself before another word escaped his lips. 

“I can see you holding it back,” Abed whispered with a smug smirk, “just say it.” 

Troy sighed. 

“Say it,” Abed repeated, a little more intensely. 

“Thanks,” Troy sighed, “ _baby_.” 

Abed glanced down at his lips for a moment- it was just a split-second, but there was no way it could have escaped Troy, not when his focus was so completely centered on Abed.

“You’re welcome,” Abed casually replied. 

“You’re enjoying this too much,” Troy mumbled. 

“I think-” Abed trailed his fingers down Troy’s neck, so tender and feather-light it made him tremble, and leaned in to whisper the rest right into Troy’s ear “-I am enjoying it just the right amount.” 

He glanced down at Troy’s lips again and left without another word. 

Okay, he really needed to find the nerve to kiss Abed soon, or else he would definitely go insane. 

  


***

  


They spent the rest of the night eating pizza and playing Werewolf, a great board game based on lies and bluffing that Troy and Abed continued to lose, because they couldn’t lie to each other even during a game. They did win that one time they were both werewolves, though, and gloriously so. 

“Troy,” Abed said with a smirk during what was probably their thirtieth round of the night. 

“Don’t do this to me, man,” Troy groaned. 

“Do it, Abed,” Neil muttered- _evil_.

“Troy, my darling-” okay, Troy didn’t care if this was a game, Abed should _not_ just be throwing in terms of endearment like that “-are you a werewolf?” 

Troy took a deep breath. He looked at Abed- no, he stared, unrelenting. He wouldn't lose this time. He could do this. 

“I’m the Seer,” he mumbled unconvincingly. 

Abed quirked an eyebrow. “Are you?” he asked. 

_Come on, Troy, don’t back down._

Abed pouted. Like, he legit pouted. It was fucking adorable. 

_Fine, back down._

“I’m a werewolf,” he sighed. 

“Yesss,” Abed hissed, pumping his fist in the air. 

“This isn’t fair,” Troy groaned. 

“You do the same to me,” Abed bit back, “so yes, it is.”

“You guys are ridiculous,” Annie laughed. 

“Okay, you shut up,” Troy said, pointing an accusing finger at her, “you’re _way_ too good at lying. I’m never trusting you again.”

“Who says you should’ve trusted me in the first place?” Annie said with a wink. 

“Abed!” Troy exclaimed, gesturing wildly at Annie, “Control your woman!” 

“She’s not my woman,” Abed chuckled. 

“Abed, control your man,” Annie echoed. 

“Troy, calm down,” Abed said, pointing at him.

_Okay,_ Troy thought, raising an eyebrow at him, _I see what you did there._

“Let’s play another round,” Annie said then, prompting Troy to gaze away from Abed’s extremely entrancing eyes. 

“I should probably go,” Neil said, “it’s like midnight.” 

“Poppycock, my dear chap,” Abed said in a british accent, “just sleep over.”

“You can take the top bunk,” Troy said. 

He pointedly looked at Abed. 

“Yep,” Abed agreed. 

Neil looked between the two of them, amused, then nodded. “Alright,” he said, “thanks, guys.”

Troy nodded. 

_No, thank you for giving me an excuse to sleep in Abed’s arms again_ , he barely held back on saying. 

  


***

  


“Troy,” Abed whispered as they finally tucked into bed. He was extra quiet, careful not to disturb Neil. 

Troy turned on his side to look at him. 

“I’m proud of you,” Abed whispered, “so proud.” 

Troy smiled, and it was the most beautiful sight Abed had ever seen. 

He didn’t say anything back, and Abed didn’t need him to. He just wanted him to know. A moment passed, and then Troy’s hand came to rest on top of his between the two of them. Abed turned his around, and let Troy interlace their fingers. 

He closed his eyes, and fell into the most peaceful of sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. If you did, please leave kudos/comments and make my day, baby!


	9. i can't stand still and wait for things to change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of this chapter, pretend that Emma (2020) came out before 2020. Because like... this is a very good concept. Enjoy!
> 
> Title from "Slowly" by The Altogether.

Troy and Abed had entered the Dreamatorium hours before, they’d done Spider-Man, they’d done Inspector Spacetime, and now there they were, in a field that stretched for miles and miles, underneath a gorgeous flowering tree, recreating a heart-wrenching scene from _Emma_ , which Annie had made them watch just a few nights before. 

“You speak as if you envied him,” Abed breathed, a soft smile on his lips. 

“And I do envy him,” Troy replied, stepping closer to him with an intense look in his eyes, trying his best to maintain that dude’s weird accent in his voice, “Emma, in one respect he is the object of my envy.” 

Abed glanced away, and it hurt despite knowing it was only an act. 

“You will not ask me why,” Troy nodded sadly, “you are determined, I see, to have no curiosity. You are wise, but I cannot be wise. I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next mo-” 

“Do not speak it,” Abed hurriedly said. Troy nodded sadly, and walked to the other side of the tree, where Abed-Emma would not see his heartbreak. Abed joined him after a moment. 

“If you wish to speak to me,” he brokenly said- god, he was a good actor- “as a friend, or to ask my opinion… as a friend, I will hear whatever you like.” 

“As a _friend_ ,” Troy exclaimed, “that, I fear, is a word-” he gently took Abed’s hands in his “-tell me, Emma, have I no chance in ever succeeding? My dearest Emma, for dearest you will always be, my dearest, most beloved, now tell me at once-” he released Abed’s hand for a second to wipe at a tear. God, this was hitting him more than he’d expected. “I cannot make speeches. If I-” his breath faltered. 

He looked into Abed’s eyes, and he saw the moment Emma disappeared, and then it was only him again, his Abed. His best friend, his sunshine, his everything. 

“If I loved you less,” he breathed, and only as he spoke did he realize that Mr. Knightley had left too, “if I loved you less, then I might be able to talk about it more.” 

He felt something give out, and let his head drop to Abed’s shoulder. Abed wound his arms around him, drawing him closer, and muttered, “End simulation.” 

The field disappeared, but they stayed the same. 

“I think it already did,” Troy mumbled. 

He pulled back just enough to look into Abed’s eyes, and cupped one of his cheeks with his hand. 

“You’re my everything, you know that?” he whispered. 

Abed smiled. 

“You’re mine,” he whispered back.

Troy chuckled lightly. 

“Yeah. I am.” 

  


***

  


Things had been different with Abed lately, ever since the whole… love confession deal. 

They’d been getting closer, closer, closer until there was almost nothing holding them back from melting together completely.

_Almost._

Something still held Troy back, and so they continued to thread the fine line between friends and lovers. It felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, but wishing for nothing more than a little push to fall from it, because Abed would be waiting down there with open arms to catch him. 

If only he could take that last, little step.

“I want to tell him so bad,” he mumbled, sitting in Annie’s bed in the dim light of her bedside lamp.

“Then do,” she replied, setting aside the book she had been reading.

“I don’t-” he sighed “-I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if I’m going to be as good as he deserves, if we start it now.” 

“You don’t have to be perfect with Abed,” Annie replied. “If it was anyone else, sure, I’d tell you to wait. But Troy, it’s _Abed_. You can tell him how you feel, and you’ll figure the rest out together.” 

“It’s just not fair,” he said, “it’s not fair to ask him to wait for me for so long, but it’s also not fair to ask him to be together and take everything slow.” 

Annie frowned and took one of his hands in hers. “Of course it’s fair to ask for what you need,” she said, “especially to Abed. He’s your best friend. He’ll take things as slow as you need him to. You’d do the same for him.” 

“I’d do anything for him,” Troy mumbled. 

“If you want to tell him, you should,” Annie whispered, “whenever you’re ready.” 

  


***

  


“Hey,” Abed whispered, entering Annie’s room, where she was still up reading.

“Hey, Abed,” she whispered back, mindful of not waking Troy, who was asleep on her shoulder, “how was studying?”

“Good,” he replied, then took the book out of her hands, earning a muted but affronted gasp from her. “It’s almost midnight, go to sleep.” 

“Fine,” she groaned, rolling her eyes, “catch your boyfriend’s head, I need to brush my teeth.” 

Abed didn’t correct her- what was the point, anyways? It’s not like he minded hearing the word ‘boyfriend’ related to Troy. He kind of loved it, actually- and put his hand under Troy’s head to catch him when Annie moved, then softly guided him to lay on a pillow. 

Annie left the room, leaving only him and Troy’s gorgeous sleeping figure, which Abed couldn’t take his eyes off of. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, tenderly running his fingers through his hair, “how the hell did I get so lucky?” 

“Abed?” Troy asked, fluttering his eyes open- well, half open, at least. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Abed said, his hand stopping mid-stroke. 

“‘S okay.” Troy shifted on his back and limply raised his arms towards Abed. “Bed?” he mumbled sleepily. 

“Of course, my love,” Abed replied in his best Disney prince voice, and swooped Troy into his arms. 

“So strong,” Troy mumbled, nuzzling his face in the crook of Abed’s neck. 

“You’re adorable,” Abed replied. He set Troy down on the bottom bunk, and Troy immediately grabbed his hand and pouted at him, looking like the cutest overgrown child ever. 

“Stay,” he mumbled. 

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” Abed chuckled, “just let me get ready for bed, okay?” 

Troy whined, but let go of his hand anyways, and Abed gave him a wink before leaving the room to go brush his teeth. He ran into Annie leaving the bathroom, and grabbed her by the shoulders before she could walk away. 

“Annie,” he said, his voice low and intense. 

“Abed,” she replied in the same tone, amused. 

“I would die for that man,” he declared. 

“We know,” she laughed, “everyone knows.”

“I didn’t even know I could love something this much,” he breathed.

“And then that funky little man showed up?” Annie asked. 

“Yeah,” Abed laughed, “and you.” 

“Aww, Abed!” She flung her arms around him and hugged him tight, and Abed squeezed back at once. 

“Okay,” he said after a couple of moments, patting her on the back, “I told him I’d be right back.” 

“Fine,” she sighed, releasing him, “ _whipped_.”

“Shut up,” Abed mumbled, playfully slapping her shoulder before retreating to the bathroom. 

So what if he was? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As usual, I would love some kudos/comments, if you so please.


	10. somehow, maybe now, i'll find the words to say, never thought i'd see the day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to Jules for helping with this chapter when I was a bit stuck, you're the best. Enjoy this chapter, everyone! We're getting there, baby! 
> 
> Title from The Altogether's "See The Day", seriously LISTEN TO THEM!!!!

Troy had made his decision. He would tell Abed. He _would_ , he just needed to find the perfect moment, because Abed deserved the perfect love declaration, the perfect first kiss, the perfect rom-com ending to their years of longing and yearning and pining. (Annie had taught him all those words and, well, they fit perfectly.) 

As it turned out, the perfect moment was pretty hard to find. 

The first time he'd tried was the day after his talk with Annie. He took Abed's hand after study group and asked, "Lunch?" 

Abed nodded. Troy’s plan was foolproof: he'd take him to the place where they first had lunch together years before, somehow get into the same booth as then, and then he'd take his hand and tell him. 

"Fuck yeah, where we going?" 

Troy turned around slowly. He couldn't tell Britta not to come, could he? No, that would be rude. Dammit, why did she have to Britta his love declaration?!

He didn't do it that day. Britta came along, Jeff joined, and even Chang, and it was fun, but he didn’t do it that day. 

Attempt number two was only two days later. He had taken Abed to the movies, he’d bought pop-corn, soda and candy for him, all the works. They walked out of the movie theater, and Abed was excitedly recounting his favorite scenes of the movie. It was the perfect time to tell him. 

“Abed, I-” 

“Oh my god! Troy and Abed!” 

Troy turned around. Slowly. Maybe the fucking _Dean_ wouldn’t actually be there when he turned around. 

Dammit, he was actually there. 

“Hey, Dean,” he said through gritted teeth, “what are you doing here?” 

“Oh, please, we’re outside of school, you can just call me Craig,” the Dean replied, “and I was watching that lovely new movie with Sandra Bullock. Gosh, she’s just a powerhouse, isn’t she?”

“Okay,” Troy sighed, “and now you’re going home?” 

“Actually, I was thinking I’d go get tacos. Y’all wanna come with? I’ll buy.” 

Abed leaned in to whisper in Troy’s ear. “Free tacos. We have to go.” 

_Yeah, but I was hoping to kiss you._

Abed looked really excited about those tacos, though.

He sighed. “Alright, let’s go.” 

Abed’s pleased smile and small fist pump almost made it worth it. _Almost_. 

Attempt number three ended before it even started. 

Troy and Abed were going to have movie night, but then Britta had to go to their house to avoid calling her stupid ex with a dumb name, and then the Dean showed up again for some reason, and Troy had to breathe very mindfully and remember that murder was still illegal.

Attempt number four was another flop, this time thanks to Shirley and an attempt to rope them, Neil and Annie into some praying for lost souls project that all four of them would rather forget. 

For attempt number five, he decided to do it in the library, in the spot where they’d bonded so beautifully after Annie’s Halloween party their first year. He thought Abed would appreciate the callback. 

He sat down on the floor, likely exactly where he had that first time, and Abed sat down next to him.

“Abed,” he said. This was it. 

“Troy,” Abed replied with a tranquil smile. 

“I’ve been- I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I think it’s finally t-” 

A jacket hit him right in the face. 

“‘Sup, dorks?” Jeff said, as Abed removed the jacket from Troy’s face and tossed it back to him. 

“Hi, Jeff,” he greeted him. 

“I need you guys,” Jeff explained, “for something dumb, and also aabsolutely genius.”

Abed nodded and held up a finger. Jeff rolled his eyes, but turned around to give them a semblance of privacy. 

Abed’s hand found the side of Troy’s neck, and his fingertips softly grazed his skin. “You can tell me later,” he whispered. 

Troy nodded, trying to hide his disappointment, and Abed gave him a reassuring smile. 

“We’re in,” he said to Jeff, and in the split-second before their friend turned around he leaned over to kiss Troy’s cheek. He got up, then offered Troy his hand to pull him up, too. (Thank god he did, because Troy didn’t know if he would’ve been able to stand on his own after that.) 

The thing Jeff needed help with ended up being a really awesome prank on a teacher who had somehow wronged him -an awesome prank involving whipped cream, seven rulers and ping pong balls- and Troy was glad they did it, and he was even more glad Abed held his hand the whole time they were sneaking around trying to pull it off. Still, it all felt like some sort of sign. Like the universe was telling him not to tell Abed. Like maybe if he did, if they got together that way, they’d inevitably break up and lose each other. That was the worst possible scenario in Troy’s mind. 

He told Annie as much, and she scoffed. 

“Troy, I love you, but that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said,” she said. 

“It’s not,” Troy insisted, “it’s logical. That means it makes sense, right?”

“It’s not logical, it’s just paranoia.” Troy’s brows furrowed. “A needless worry,” Annie explained, “because you and Abed are as close as real life gets to soulmates.”

“Then why do I keep getting interrupted?” Troy exasperatedly asked.

“Wrong time, wrong place, right person,” Annie shrugged, “you’ll know when everything is right.” 

Troy sighed, “I hope it’s fucking soon.” 

  


***

  


Paintball somehow ended up having a noir theme that year, and Troy and Abed thought it was awesome and did their best to bump gums like true hard-boiled turtle-slappers. Britta and Jeff had been eliminated pretty early on, Shirley had shrugged and let a random guy shoot her after receiving a needy call from her son ( _lame_ ), Annie and Neil were still in their hide-out, Troy and Abed had gone out to find ammo. 

“Let’s get out of here before we get caught in a rumpus,” Troy muttered once they’d loaded up on paintballs. 

“Too late,” Abed replied, tilting his chin to point out the badly hidden, badly dressed, Mathletics Club. 

Right as he said it, a paintball flew only millimeters away from Troy- he would’ve been hit, if not for Abed readily putting an arm around him and pulling him down. He got right back up, and ran towards the attackers. 

“You don’t mess with my dame, ya pissants,” Abed yelled in a ridiculously accurate accent as he started shooting, and Troy only needed a couple of seconds to recover from being called Abed’s _dame_ , which he found a weird amount of sexy, before joining him. They fought them off easily, moving around each other as if doing a dance they’d rehearsed a million times.

“We clipped ‘em all,” Troy said as the paint-covered Mathletes all left in a huff and he and Abed stood back to back in what had to be a really cool, badass pose.

“You got grift, love,” Abed said, turning around and drawing an arm around Troy’s waist. 

“We make a good team, don’t we?” Troy replied, and if he’d let go of the noir accent, who was around to hear it? 

“We do,” Abed replied, and his accent had gotten fainter, too. 

He could do it then, Troy realized. What better way to confess to _Abed freaking Nadir_ than in the midst of a noir paintball war, after having kicked serious ass in a Mathlete argy-bargy?

“Abed-” something hit him right in the chest and he fell to the ground before he could say anything else. He looked down to see red paint dripping down his clothes, and before he even realized what was happening Abed was crouching next to him, cupping his cheek WITH ONE hand and looking at Troy so sadly he almost thought he was _actually_ dying. 

“Chang,” Abed hissed through gritted teeth, looking up at the culprit. 

Troy could still do it. A death scene love confession scene was just as good, if not better. 

He raised a limp hand towards Abed, and Abed promptly took it in his. “Abed,” he croaked, “before I go-” 

“Don’t go,” Abed pleaded. He sounded so sad it made tears come to Troy’s eyes, and he had to remind himself really hard that it was _just a game_. “Please, don’t leave me.”

“If it was up to me, I’d never leave you, Abed,” Troy breathed, “not in paintball, and not in real life.” 

Were those tears in Abed’s eyes? 

This was it. Holy shit, this was it. 

“Abed, baby, I lo-” 

“Hey, asshole!” Chang’s loud voice suddenly rang out, startling both of them out of their perfect love trance, “Dead men can’t talk!” 

“Leave us alone!” Abed cried out a little desperately, but to no avail. Chang was ready to shoot again, ready to eliminate the other half of Troy and Abed. And Troy couldn’t have that. 

“Go,” he hissed, “go win this, Abed.” 

“But-” 

“ _Go_ ,” he insisted. Abed did, looking at Troy the whole time, until he was out of sight. 

Troy sighed, and let his head drop to the ground. 

He was never going to get this right, was he? 

  


***

  


“Let me get this straight,” Neil said, gesturing so exaggeratedly that it made Troy think of bad italian caricatures in movies. 

“Nothing straight about it,” Troy muttered.

“Ha-ha,” Neil dead-panned. “So, you keep getting interrupted when trying to tell Abed you love him?”

“Yes.” 

“And you think that’s some sort of sign?”

“Mhm.”

“And not just your friends being weird and annoying?”

“Hey!”

“I’m one of them, I can say it.”

Troy sighed. “Okay, maybe it’s not a sign, but when Abed told me, it felt like a scene right out of a coming of age movie. It was freaking magical, Neil.”

“You tend to describe everything Abed does as magical,” Neil pointed out, “but sure.”

“I need to give him that, too,” he continued, “my confession can’t be anything less than perfect.” 

“Troy, it would be perfect even if you confessed while he’s on the toilet. He just wants _you_.” Neil pointed a finger at him. “Don’t confess while he’s on the toilet, though. Have some decorum.” 

“Oh my god, I won’t. You know I came to you for help, right?” Troy gestured animatedly, his eyes wide. “This is _not_ helping!” 

“Okay, okay,” Neil laughed, “I’ve got you, buddy. We’ve got a long weekend and my family has a lake house.” 

“Cool brag, I’m still dying,” Troy groaned. 

“Let me speak,” Neil whined. “You guys and Annie can come with me to said lake house, which has a very rom-com-y scenery, and you’ll get Abed alone for your perfect confession.”

Troy thought for a moment. That could be good, right? It could even be a good callback to _The Proposal_ , the movie during which Abed had confessed to him. Because that had happened. And now Troy was going to confess _back_. That was happening. This was his life now. Holy shit. 

“Troy?” Neil placed a hand on his shoulder, shaking him out of his thoughts. “Buddy, did I lose you?”

“I’m good,” Troy croaked unconvincingly, “just very casually thinking about confessing to the love of my life.”

“Mhm, sounds chill,” Neil hummed. Troy took a shaky breath in, and Neil squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “Hey, dude, it’s gonna be fine. You already know he loves you back.”

“It’s not _that_ , it’s the whole- the everything else. I want to kiss him and be his boyfriend and do… _other stuff_ -” Troy saw Neil bite back a smirk at that “-but I don’t know _how to_. And I’m a little terrified.”

“You’ll figure it out together,” Neil said, “and you’ll be surprised at how easy it will be.”

“That’s what Annie says too,” Troy sighed, nervously running his hands over his face, “and you’re both really smart, so you’ve gotta be right. But I’m still scared.”

“It would be weirder if you weren’t,” Neil reassured him, “love _is_ scary. But it’s also beautiful and comforting and fun. Especially what you guys have.” 

“That’s so sweet,” Troy pouted, “we should get _you_ a boyfriend.” 

“Yeah, Abed says that too, but it’s not that easy,” Neil chuckled a little sadly, “not all of us have a perfect match like you two.”

“Of course we do,” Troy eagerly replied, “dude, there’s some guy out there who’s going to understand and love every part of you, and it’s going to be freaking amazing when you find him.”

“Doesn’t sound like a very Neil thing to happen,” Neil said, still trying to hide the sadness of his statement with a forced laugh. Troy didn’t let it fool him. 

“Neil, take off your sad goggles and look at yourself through my eyes for a second,” Troy said, and mimicked the taking off of said goggles, and put some imaginary Troy glasses on him, “you’re dope and super worthy of love. You’ll find your Abed.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Neil said, adjusting his imaginary glasses with a small smile.

“I know I am,” Troy quipped, opening his arms towards Neil, “now bring it in, Nealy Pie.” 

“Nealy Pie?” he laughed, happily accepting Troy’s hug. 

“Yeah,” Troy mumbled, tightly squeezing him to reassure the both of them, “that’s your name now, deal with it.” 

“Alright,” Neil sighed, “Troy Bear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment and/or kudos if you enjoyed! Also, I just realized I never said this here but if you wanna talk trobed find me on the twitter @jaguarkipo.


	11. you fill my whole world with love (the kind you never find)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... well, well, well. Enjoy. 
> 
> Title from Oberhofer's "Sun Halo".

“Do we have everything?” 

Troy sighed, “Annie, we’ve checked a hundred times.” 

“It’s never enough.” She pointed at Abed. “Chargers?” He nodded and she pointed at Troy. “Swimsuits?” He nodded and she pointed at Neil. “Snacks?” 

“Got ‘em,” he sighed, “let’s leave, please. If we forget something there _are_ stores.”

“Also, we didn’t forget anything,” Abed added, “because you made us check a thousand times.”

“You should be thanking me,” Annie said, then gave in with a sigh. “Alright, fine, let’s go.” 

“Shotgun!” Abed called as they descended the stairs from their apartment to the car that was waiting by the curb. They loaded their bags into the car and got in, Troy in the driver’s seat with Abed by his side, Annie and Neil in the backseat. 

Troy turned around and pointed at Neil. “Navigator duty.” He pointed at Annie. “Snack duty.” He turned towards Abed and smiled softly. “Holding my hand when I get nervous duty.”

“Nice,” Abed hissed, pumping his fist in the air, at the same time as Annie half-heartedly protested, “Hey, not fair!” and then they were on the road.

The trip only took a couple of hours, passing in a happy haze of 80s music and holding Abed’s hand and playing dumb car games, and soon enough they got to their destination. Neil’s house was small and cozy, only two bedrooms and a living room/kitchen in one, plus a tiny ass bathroom, but it had a huge garden and was pretty close to the lake. Troy thought it was the perfect scenery for a rom-com worthy declaration of love. 

They all unpacked their stuff pretty quickly, changed into swimsuits and Annie grabbed a huge bag filled with everything they might need, then they set off to the lake, where they played Uno by the lakeside until Troy got too hot and proposed they take a dip into the water. 

“Looks cold,” Abed muttered, standing opposite Troy, who was already ankles-deep in the water. 

“It’s not that bad,” he said, “come on.” 

“You know I don’t like swimming,” Abed replied. 

“It’s super shallow,” Troy insisted, “Hey, I got you. Do you trust me?” 

Abed sighed, “You know I do.” 

Troy extended a hand towards him and Abed tentatively grabbed it. “Just hold on to me,” he whispered. 

Abed stepped into the water, which was cold as he had expected it to be, but in an almost pleasant way. He smiled a bit, and Troy immediately caught it, returning the smile. 

“Not that bad, is it?” he asked. 

“It’s nice,” Abed replied, taking another tentative step forward. It went well, so he took another, but he hadn’t planned for a slippery rock to be there, causing him to trip and fall right into- _oh_. Troy’s arms. Okay, well, that was way nicer than the big splash he’d expected. “Thank you,” he mumbled, a little embarrassed, but nevertheless not making any move to separate himself from Troy. 

“Told you I got you,” Troy whispered.

“I know you do,” Abed replied, balancing himself with the help of Troy’s strong hold on him, “I know.” 

“Yeah,” Troy breathed. He smiled. Abed smiled back and kept holding onto Troy, and Troy’s hands were still around his waist and they were so close, and he could just move a little bit closer and- 

“Oh my god,” Abed muttered, and Troy looked up from… well, Abed’s lips, okay, he had been staring at Abed's lips, and saw him gazing somewhere behind Troy with a frown. “Annie is going to kill Neil,” he gravely said. 

Troy turned around to see the intense splashing battle their friends were involved in- a battle in which Neil was being very much obliterated. 

“Oh god, Abed, she doesn’t know her own strength,” he alarmedly said, “we gotta help our boy.” 

“Let’s go,” Abed said. He tried to start walking, but stumbled a little. God, this lake was slippery. “Hold my hand,” he mumbled, looking at Troy with pleading eyes. Troy’s heart skipped a beat, and he gripped Abed’s hand as tight as he could. They joined Neil without Abed falling or even tripping once, then all three of them were defeated by the unstoppable force that was Annie. 

Afterwards, they returned to the lakeside and dried themselves off, then basked in the sun for a couple of hours until the sun started to go down and they headed home. There, they found out another one of Neil’s talents was cooking when he made them a delicious dinner, then served them tea and cookies he’d made the day before in the garden. 

“You’re the perfect host,” Troy commented around a mouthful of cookie, while Neil joined them at the table where Annie was dealing Uno cards. 

“And the perfect friend,” Abed added with a wag of his finger, and both Troy and Annie hummed in agreement. 

“You’re too good to me,” Neil bashfully mumbled, trying to hide his blush by taking a sip of tea. 

“We’re as good as you deserve,” Annie said, “but now, I’ll have to destroy you at Uno.” 

They played a few rounds before Abed leaned in to whisper in Troy's ear, “Why do you keep passing your turns? You have a thousand cards.” 

Troy sighed and turned his cards towards him beneath the table- they were all draw cards. “I’d feel bad making you draw cards,” he explained, “don’t make fun of me.” 

“You’re too cute,” Abed giddily replied, “okay, I got this.” He played a reverse card so Annie would be going after Troy- she was ruthless, so he didn’t feel bad making her draw a buttload of cards. 

After that,Troy and Abed had made an unspoken agreement to team up, meaning that Troy was playing to make Abed win, and Abed was playing to make Troy win. They ended up having one card at the same time, so clearly their strategy was working. The card Abed was holding was red, and the one on the deck was yellow, so he picked a card and was lucky enough to find a wild card. He glanced at Troy’s card and smirked. 

“Blue,” he declared, putting down the card, and Troy gasped delightedly as he put down his own, very last card, a blue four. 

“Oh no,” Abed unconvincingly exclaimed, “I can’t believe you won! I’m so upset!” 

“You’re so obnoxious,” Annie said with a (secretly fond) eyeroll. 

“Let’s play the next one together,” Troy proposed, “like as one person.” 

“Trobed,” Abed knowingly nodded, “let’s do it.” 

“Gay people,” Annie muttered while Neil dealt the cards, “just the worst.”

Troy leaned closer to Abed for the game (for strategic reasons, obviously) and they won again- of course they did, they were always the best team. Coincidentally, once they were done Annie decided it was time to play a new game; she chose Exploding Kittens, but Troy elected not to play it, since the thought of kittens exploding made him kind of sad. Instead, he rested his head on Abed’s chest, and Abed happily drew an arm around him and absent-mindedly stroked his arm as he played. Troy’s eyes fluttered close as his best friends’ banter lulled him into a lovely sort of haze, floating between wake and sleep. He felt at peace, he felt safe, he felt loved. To be fair, that was the effect being held by Abed usually had on him. It had also become more familiar lately, that feeling of safety and love, that sense of tranquility; it had emerged slowly then all at once, and grown everyday since that fateful day when he'd revealed his biggest secrets to Annie. 

A few rounds into the game, Abed’s fingers tangled themselves in Troy’s hair and started stroking gently, and suddenly all Troy could feel was Abed, and all he could think was _holy shit, I love this man so much._. 

He opened his eyes. Annie and Neil were still talking, but Abed was looking down at him, looking like a vision in the pale moonlight. Suddenly, the words came easy. Suddenly, he couldn’t hold back if he wanted to. 

(He didn’t want to.)

“Abed,” he whispered, “I love you.” 

Abed smiled- a small, precious, absolutely gorgeous and life-changing smile. “I know,” he breathed, “I love you too.” 

It wasn’t a big rom-com declaration, but it was absolutely perfect, so Troy did the only thing left to do; he raised his head slightly, just enough to press his lips to Abed’s. It only lasted a couple of seconds, more of a peck than a kiss, but it was enough- no, it was perfect. It was a promise of endless kisses to come. 

“Holy shit,” Neil gasped, and Troy and Abed both focused on him, “did we just witness your first kiss?” 

“Yes,” Troy sheepishly replied, “and I told him.”

“Oh my god!” Annie squealed, excitedly gripping Neil’s arm, “Oh my god!” 

“Do you guys- you want some alone time?” Neil asked, wincing a little at how Annie’s nails were digging into his arm. 

Abed looked down at Troy again- a question- and Troy shook his head with an easy smile. 

“No,” he replied, picking up the cards Abed had set down a few minutes before, “let’s keep playing. It’s perfect like this.” 

Everyone gracefully complied and they played for hours, until their eyelids turned heavy and the night sky turned pitch black, and they thought it might just be time to go back inside and head to bed. 

“So,” Neil said in the hallway, wagging his eyebrows, “I’m guessing the boyfriends are gonna sleep together?”

“It was already decided,” Abed pointed out, sleepily leaning on Troy, “we unpacked.” 

Neil chuckled, “Yeah, just wanted to point out that you’re-” 

“Wait!” Troy exclaimed, suddenly feeling more awake than ever, and turned to face Abed, whose brows narrowed curiously, “we-” he waved a hand between the two of them- “we’re boyfriends?” 

Abed smiled. “Do you want to be?” 

“Hell yeah,” Troy replied with a grin, “do you?” 

“More than anything,” Abed said. 

“Okay. Boyfriends.” He giggled. He felt like a giddy schoolgirl. Not that he knew what schoolgirls felt like, but that was a thing people said, right? Kinda weird if you think about it, but he _wasn’t_ thinking about it, he was thinking about Abed being his boyfriend. 

“Boyfriends,” Abed repeated. 

“Boyfriends!” Annie exclaimed, “now go to bed!” 

“Calm down, Annie Banannie,” Neil giggled, taking his exhausted friend by the arm and leading her to what would be their room for the night. He gave Troy and Abed one last look before shutting the door. “Goodnight, boyfriends,” he said, and then they were alone. 

“Boyfriends,” Troy said once more, because he would never get tired of it. 

“I love you,” Abed whispered, hooking a hand behind Troy’s neck, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Troy whispered back, looking up at him with eyes full of love, hope, trust, all the amazing things Abed had taught him to feel, “I love you more than anything.” 

Abed smiled so joyfully that it filled Troy’s stomach with fluttering butterflies, and Troy smiled back, hoping he’d do the same for him, hoping he could feel as magical to Abed as Abed felt to him. 

And then Abed leaned in, slowly, and blessed Troy with their second ever kiss. It wasn’t one of those wildly passionate kisses just yet- they were tired, really tired, and Troy was so in shock that he could barely move, but they had all the time in the world for that. For now, lazily kissing in their best friend’s hallway after a spontaneous declaration of love in the moonlight was enough. More than enough, really. It was perfect. It was _them_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It happened! The slow burn hath burned out! Hope you enjoyed. Same old, same old, leave comments and kudos if you please.


	12. and i'll make you happy, hon, if you let me feel a ray of your sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue time. Thanks to everyone who read this and loved it and encouraged me even when I felt a little insecure about it- talking about you, felipe nation and jellybean specifically. Thanks to everyone who commented on like, every chapter. It really makes me happy to know I made you happy in some way with my writings. I don't know, guys, I just got my period and I'm feeling a little emotional. I love you all. And I love trobedanneil. Yeah, that's their name. Deal with it. 
> 
> Title from The Altogether's "Follow Through". Begging you to listen.

“Goodmorning, lovebirds,” Neil greeted Troy and Abed as they entered the living room/kitchen hand in hand, “I made breakfast.”

Troy gasped, “Are those pancakes?!” 

“Yup,” Neil happily replied, putting two full plates on the table for them. Troy and Abed each placed a kiss to the top of Annie’s head before sitting down beside her. 

"What are our plans for today?" Abed asked, digging into his breakfast. 

"We were going to go on a hike," Annie replied with a smile. Troy groaned and she rolled her eyes before continuing, "We thought we could give you some time alone, dick." 

"Aww, that's sweet," Troy said, "except for the dick part."

Abed hummed thoughtfully, then pointed at Neil. "Is there a good spot for a picnic here?" 

Was Abed going to take him on a picnic date? Troy's heart was about to give out. 

"I know the best spot," Neil replied with a grin, "I'll show you after breakfast." 

Abed clicked his tongue and did some finger guns to accept the offer. Troy couldn't resist the urge to turn around and kiss him before he could take another bite of his pancakes. 

  


***

  


“God, Neil, I’m so glad we’re friends,” Annie sighed as he offered his hand to help her step over a tree that had fallen over their trail. 

“That’s sweet,” he replied, “but random.” 

“I’ve just never had anyone to do stuff like this with,” she explained, “I mean, Troy and Abed are great, but the only way I could take them on a hike was if I pretended we were on some insane trek across an alien planet, Britta would whine about the bees dying, Jeff would just whine in general, and Shirley would make it all about spirituality and finding Jesus.”

“I mean, don’t you feel really close to Him right now?” Neil laughed. 

“Don’t,” she warned him, “we’re standing over a cliff, Nealy Pie.” He raised his arms in surrender and she shook her head with a lighthearted laugh. “No, but… sometimes you just need to walk quietly with a friend by your side. And then when you get some crazy thought like, what if you could become the most gifted musician in the world, _but_ you’re a cupcake, and they’ll reply like it’s a totally normal request. I feel like you and I have that.” 

“I agree. And I only have one question: would I have limbs as a cupcake? How would I play the instruments?” 

“You’d send brain waves and the instruments would play themselves.” 

“Then hell yeah. Duh doy.” 

Annie laughed, “Okay, next question. Do you think soulmates exist?” 

“An obvious follow-up to the cupcake question,” Neil chuckled, “but, well, you’ve met Troy and Abed, haven’t you?” 

“Yeah, but they’re a one in a million deal,” she replied, reaching out to grab his hand again, “I’ve never seen anyone else get something like that.” 

“Sure,” Neil conceded, “but if they can find it, why not you?” 

“Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m sort of hard to deal with,” she replied with a sad, self-deprecating laugh. 

“You’re actually really easy to deal with,” Neil corrected her, “you see yourself through some distorted lens, built up by all the bullshit your parents and teachers and everyone spewed on you. But you’re not the annoying, high-maintenance person you see yourself as, Annie Banannie.” 

“I’m not?” she asked in a small voice. 

Neil pointed at a nice stretch of grass, silently asking whether she’d like to take a break and drink some of the iced tea and dried mango they’d packed to keep their energy up. She nodded and he untangled the hoodie he had around his waist and set it down on the grass, gesturing for her to sit down on it, because it would be a shame to get her adorable flower-patterned shorts dirty. 

“You’re a great friend,” he softly continued once they were sitting, “the best I’ve ever had, together with Troy and Abed. You’re definitely the smartest, most resourceful and organized one. You’re hilarious and scary good at bluffing games. You’re like, my favorite person in the universe at this point.” 

“Aww, Nealy Pie,” she crooned, winding her arms around him. 

“Careful, I’m sweaty,” he mumbled. 

“I don’t care,” she laughed, “I love you so much I’ll hug you when you’re sweaty.” 

“Damn. That’s true love.” 

“Absolutely.” 

She took the food and drinks out of her bag then, and handed Neil his part. He gracefully accepted it, and they laughed as they clinked their bottles together. 

“To us,” Neil offered, “and to Trobed.”

“To Trobed,” Annie repeated, “and their more attractive best friends.” 

  


***

  


Troy looked around- Neil had been right, this was definitely the best spot for a romantic picnic. Abed had laid a checkered cloth on the grass beneath the shade of a flowering pear tree, and on it lay a small bouquet of flowers and a wicker basket that was just so beautifully clichè. 

Abed picked up the flowers and handed them to Troy with a little bow. “I picked those before,” he explained, “that’s why Neil and I took so long.” 

Troy was speechless. Abed had _picked flowers for him_. And then he had _prepared a whole picnic_. Troy might have died and gone to heaven. If that was the case, he was more than okay with it. He’d love to spend eternity this way. 

“I love you,” he finally managed to choke out, causing a bright smile to spread on Abed’s face. 

“I love you too!” he replied, sounding like an excited kid would about their favorite toy. 

He took Troy’s hand and guided him to sit, then posed himself beside him. Troy decided to try something, then, and he leaned back so that he would lay against Abed’s chest. Abed accepted this wholeheartedly, winding his arms around Troy and pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

“I made sandwiches,” he whispered, “and there’s orange drink too.” 

“In a moment,” Troy whispered back, “I just want to take this in for a second.” 

“Okay,” Abed breathed, and they fell into an easy quietude. 

Troy took a deep breath. The air smelled of flowers, the remnants of morning dew, and more important of all, _Abed_. 

“I’m so happy,” he whispered, his voice mingling with the chirps of the birds singing overhead, “this is like a scene from a movie. Or one of those boring books Annie likes.” He frowned. “But this isn’t boring. It’s amazing.”

“You’re amazing,” Abed cheekily replied, pressing another kiss to Troy’s head. 

Troy shifted slightly, so as to turn his head to look at Abed. “Are we recreating something right now? Is this a movie?” 

Abed shook his head. “No. And I don’t know. It might be.” He smiled. “We sort of feel like a movie.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” He thought for a moment. “I’ll make a movie about us someday. It will be the greatest story ever told.” 

Troy chuckled, “You’re pretty sure of yourself, huh?” 

“I mean, I _am_ a good director,” Abed laughed, “but it’s not because of that.”

“Then why?” Troy asked. 

Abed smiled and softly cupped Troy’s cheek with his hand. He leaned impossibly closer, until their noses were touching. 

“We were made to be a romance for the ages,” he whispered. 

Troy’s heart jumped in his chest, and all he could do was kiss Abed and promise a thousand times over to himself that he would never, ever stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for sticking with me through this fic that went a completely different way than originally planned. You're the best. If you liked this, please leave kudos and/or comments. You can find me on the twitter (@jaguarkipo) or the tumblr (bensschwartz) and I have instagram too, but I just post pictures of food there so don't worry about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you liked this, I am once again asking you to leave kudos and/or comments.


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